“At least I have my dignity,” as you walk into a thrift shop. PGP.

The sweeping relief when your mother-in-law finally leaves. PGP.

I’ve been staring at tiny numbers for two years. Had to get glasses. PGP.

Office-wide, passive aggressive reminder emails of break room rules being continuously sent on a weekly basis. PGP.

Going from a Lexus to a Honda. PGP.

Taking the middle stall in the office bathroom to throw everyone else off. PGPM.

Last week, my boss threw a pen at me. This week, he told me I was doing a great job and going places. PGP.

Sexually peaking seven years ago. PGP.

I asked the breakfast taco guy in our lobby how much he makes in a day. Looks like I’m in the wrong business. PGP.

My orange juice tasted really good in the car this morning. Then I realized I didn’t brush my teeth. PGP.

Taking full advantage of Dockers patented elastic waistline. PGP.

I’ll be home for Christmas…pending approval from my manager. PGP.

Hanging your head in shame after pressing “2” in the elevator. PGP.

My boss said “We’re done beating around the bush” today and instead of laughing, I just thought about how little sex I’m having. PGP.

Finding a unused shaker bottle with protein powder in it from a year ago. PGP.

Homecoming is this Saturday. I need to get approximately 11 hours of sleep a night this week. PGP.

My office has started playing Christmas music. PGP.

My manager’s email signature is a Marilyn Monroe quote. PGP.

Saying you’re in your “mid-20s” at 27. PGP.

Today I had to use a sick day for another job interview. My boss called my doctor. PGP.