Being sore from playing washers at a tailgate.

This week used to be fall break. PGP.

“I’d rather have a beer.” -Sideburns. PGP.

Walking to the vending machine Friday afternoon and wishing you could have a Budweiser instead of a Coke. PGP.

Counting down the hours to 5 P.M. before even arriving at work. PGP.

Developing carpal tunnel at age 22. PGP.

“This Friday is Hawaiian shirt day” used to be a cruel joke. Now, it’s the best thing I hear all week. PGP.

“Resting my eyes” at a stoplight. PGP.

Searching Craigslist for a living room rug. PGP.

I just got publicly shamed in front of the whole office because my boss doesn’t know the difference between ‘Reply’ and ‘Reply All’. PGP.

I recently purchased Osteo Bi-Flex caplets to aid the knee pain I now get from running. PGP.

“Are you with the young man from the internet?” -my mom texting me about my Tinder date. PGP.

The kief catcher on my grinder is the closest thing I have to a savings account. PGP.

Anyone that signs their emails with “Cheers” can go to hell. PGP.

Pretty pumped about my waiver wire grabs this week. PGP.

“Crushing spreadsheets” is actually a term I catch myself using often. PGP.

I am visibly ill. My boss has yet to tell me to go home. PGP.

Too poor too buy my own lunch. Too fat to eat the pizza my boss bought. PGP.

Having your hair color described as salt and pepper. At age 27. PGP.

Got a four percent raise today. It would barely cover my cable bill if I had one to begin with. PGP.