Feeling untouchable after your boss comes to talk to you and you actually have work on your computer screen. PGP.

Made the big financial splurge for Spotify Premium. PGP

I lost the radio war in the office. Now, I hear “All About That Bass” at least five times a day. PGP.

Getting asked by every fucking friend and family member if you know Jake upon accepting a job with State Farm. PGP.

Went through 30 pages of PGPs. Still not time to go home. PGP.

I haven’t received an email in over two hours. Someone please send me something to do. PGP.

My boss told me “See ya, dude” as he left the office this evening. Not sure if I should be terrified or happy about this. PGP.

When one microwaveable chicken pot pie just isn’t enough. PGP.

Using self checkout because I’m too embarrassed to face a clerk while I buy Lunchables in a shirt and tie. PGP.

I used ZzzQuil and a white noise app to fall asleep last night. PGP.

The sink in the break room is broken, so we’ve been instructed to rinse our dishes in the bathroom prior to placing them in the dishwasher. PGP.

It’s “bring your space heater to work” season. PGP.

What do I have to do to get fired? I’m out here tryna get a severance. PGP.

Pretty sure I hurt myself bowling this weekend. PGP.

Went to a costume party this weekend. Downed a six-pack while I was there. You could say things got pretty wild. PGP.

Trying my new flannel sheets being the upcoming highlight of my week. PGP.

District Manager was at my office this morning. Really hoped she was there to fire me. I’m still here. PGP.

Showing my boss – who makes a quarter of a million dollars a year – how to make “cool bullet sounds” for his PowerPoint presentation. PGP.

Being surprised at how fast the day goes when you actually do work. PGP.

The back of my cube is a wall, so no one can see my screen. I feel like a god. PGP.