You would think getting a raise would mean I could quit my second job. PGP.

Dropped 20 pounds in the last year. Planned a shirtless costume to get babes. It’s 45 degrees right now and supposed to get colder tonight. PGP.

Should I even pretend to try today? PGP.

I don’t know what’s more concerning, that I’m the only one in my office not dressed up for Halloween or that my boss is wearing the most complex Hellraiser costume I’ve ever seen. PGP.

My girlfriend gained too much weight this year to pull off a slutty Halloween costume. PGP.

My coworker just looked at me and announced that he’s going to do his best to speak only in song today. PGP.

The highlight of my day is cleaning my keyboard with compressed air. PGP

My source of excitement for Halloween is knowing that candy will be 75% off tomorrow. PGP.

Girls going from “sexy” to “comfy” Halloween costumes. PGP.

Still playing Flappy Bird. PGP.

We hired two “quality control officers” to monitor office productivity. My office literally just brought in “The Bobs.” PGP.

Getting a rejection letter four minutes after applying for a job. PGP.

My manager has started using emojis in her emails. PGP.

I shouldn’t have stayed out until 10 on a work night. PGP.

Getting new tires on my car means not eating out for a month. PGP.

The only time my presence at work was acknowledged was by the automatic flusher on the urinal, and even it ignored me a couple times today. PGP.

“Dress socks” with Nike swooshes on them on laundry day. PGP.

Mandatory office costume parties. PGP.

Trying to figure out a Halloween costume is giving me anxiety. PGP.

My office is colder than how I feel inside. PGP.