Trying to figure out how families of my coworkers live on my salary, I struggle as a singular person. PGP

If only buying Geico car insurance was all it took to get me on the Gravy Train. PGP.

Mike Trout is 23 and won the AL MVP. I’m 23 and won a new mouse pad in our office raffle. PGP.

The flash of panic you get when settling into your favorite stall only to realize your phone is still on your desk. PGP.

I have a constant day dream of watching “The Big Lebowski” in my bathtub while eating a large pizza. PGP.

I actually have to wait for my boss to dismiss me for lunch. PGP.

Getting overly excited about the subscription to Consumer Reports I got for my birthday. PGP.

Carrie Matheson is a pretty competent employee compared to you. PGP.

The fake half-smile/head nod combo you give people in the hallways. PGP.

On my way back from lunch today, I told myself out loud that “Everything’s going to be okay.” PGP.

Was just endorsed on LinkedIn for customer satisfaction by the girl I’ve been hooking up with. PGP.

I feel congratulations are in order. Our warehouse has officially gone eleven days without a stabbing incident. PGP.

The effort going into faking sick on the phone is more work than I would actually produce in a day. PGP.

Manager told me I should have a business card. Been with the company three and a half years. PGP.

Hot streak of five Tinder matches this week. All spam. PGP.

Bob Wiley taking a vacation from his problems. PGP.

Had to give myself a pep talk this morning. PGP.

Trying to get your older coworker to take you to Costco on your lunch break. PGP.

I’m starting to wish I was as successful, hardworking, and great as my cover letters say I am. PGP.

Been a “temp” now for 17 months. PGP.