I’m looking for a friend with competitive benefits. Less sexting and more 401k. PGP.

Voluntarily eating lunch in the stairwell. PGP.

1: “Hey! How are you?” 2. “Good. Nice weather, huh?” 1: “Yep!” 2: “Cool, bye.” PGP.

My boss asked me to train the new guy. Just found out the new guy will be my new supervisor. PGP.

Caught myself tapping my foot along to the on-hold music. PGP.

My boss forgot she wasn’t talking to her husband and accidentally said, “I love you,” to me on the phone last night. PGP.

Overhearing a casual phone call to the vet about the patterns and consistency of your cube mate’s dog’s vomit. PGP.

Mentally preparing for when this season of Game of Thrones ends, a month ahead of time. PGP.

“Board meeting? More like bored meeting. Am I right?” PGP.

Riding a fine caffeinated line between falling asleep and having a seizure. PGP.

Don’t trust anyone who can take a work dump in less than 8 minutes. PGP.

I think I may be the epitome of what’s wrong with this generation. PGP.