The “I’m not trying to bash teachers…” preface before laying into them for complaining about pay when they get two months and all major holidays off. PGP.

Drunkenly ironing a shirt in a hotel room. PGP.

Unsuccessfully comparing work schedules with your girlfriend to find time for a date. PGP.

When your boss describes your title as an “entry level position,” in front of you. PGP.

Submitted a request for two hours of vacation on Thursday to watch USA vs. Germany. Denied. PGP.

Getting a “Your account balance fell below $25 dollars” email twice in the same week. PGP.

Corporate shut down my office and gave me severance. I should be looking for a job, but I’m looking forward to an all-expenses-paid summer. PGP.

I slept for 16 hours on Sunday, woke up at 4pm, and was still able to fall back asleep at 9pm. PGP.

The amount of power I felt on Tinder when swiping left on a girl name Felicia and screaming “Bye Felicia!” was unreal. PGP.

Weddings have become the replacement for frat parties, but with more parental supervision. PGP.

There have already been several emails warning us about the consequences of taking a long lunch break for the Germany-United States game. PGP.

Coming to terms with the inevitability of meeting my future wife at a bar. PGP.