The new Rolaids look delicious. PGP.

The only thing I noticed about the first day of Fall is that it’s Monday. PGP.

The only missed calls/voicemails I have are from my therapist asking me to confirm that I’m not dead. PGP.

Actually thinking of cutting back on my drinking. PGP.

The light sensors in the bathroom last seven minutes. Feels like 30 seconds. PGP.

Got locked into another year contract of shitty cable because I forgot to cancel my service. PGP.

Wearing noise canceling headphones into the break room. PGP.

Being that guy who brings store bought items to the monthly company potluck. PGP.

Wondering what would happen if I just “forgot” to come back to work after lunch. PGP.

My friends are all getting engaged. I’m still puking on street corners. PGP.

I found out my current job was posted on LinkedIn, so I applied for it. PGPM.

Management has been asking for people to volunteer to take days off to save money on payroll. I volunteered tomorrow so I can go to a job interview. PGPM.