My new year’s resolution Is to eat with real dishes instead of plastic tubs. PGP.

I’m on the apple a day health care plan. PGP.

Mentally planning a solo celebratory lunch at Applebee’s for reaching 500+ on LinkedIn. PGP.

“It’s Not Unusual” is faintly playing in my office. My mix of curiosity and wanting to do the Carlton dance is at an all time high. PGP.

So much access to bank accounts and social security numbers. All I need is a little push from the right person. PGP.

Resorting to the wikipedia game because everything else at work is blocked. PGP.

99% of my work is done in 5 minute bursts. PGP.

Networking at a wedding for the imminent divorce. Everyone needs an attorney, right? PGP.

I put in my two weeks notice and took a two hour lunch. PGPM.

My life is a series of awkward moments sprinkled with incompetence and debauchery. PGP.

IT made me trade in my work iPhone for an Android. I don’t know how to use it. PGP.

Commandeering the fancy desk chair of a senior coworker immediately after they leave the company. PGPM.

Best part of my weekend was buying new face wash and laundry detergent. I even said, “this is great” at checkout. PGP.

Being in charge of a project budget that is 25 times greater than your personal budget. PGP.

Got to the office five minutes early. Left my laptop at home. PGP.

My middle aged cubemate is blasting Nickelback at 8 a.m. Good morning to me. PGP.

Threw out some vodka in my freezer to make room for Hot Pockets. PGP.

“Management will be in town this week to discuss changes they’re making to the office.” …fuck. PGP.

I brought in a box of donuts this morning and watched three people’s New Year’s resolutions crumble to pieces. PGPM.

My belt is becoming more of an accessory and less of a necessity. PGP.