Giancarlo Stanton now makes 893 times my current salary. PGP.

“We’ll just have our weekly meeting during lunch this week.” PGP.

Our office manager started buying cheaper pens. I’m unreasonably upset by this. PGP.

When buying $20 worth of crap from my little cousin’s school fundraiser severely affects my plans for this weekend. PGP.

Feeling like a has-been in your trivia league. PGP.

Setting your Tinder age range from 30 to 40 to boost your self-esteem. PGP.

Too poor for a girlfriend or a pet. Not busy at all. PGP.

Heard a couple at the grocery arguing over what kind of bread to get. I can’t wait to get married. PGP.

Too busy for a boyfriend. Too poor for a pet. PGP.

Putting more effort and creativity into PGP submissions than my actual work. PGP.

Just trying to make it to lunch. PGP.

My “Rainy Day Fund” is an uncashed scratch-off lottery ticket. PGP.