I’m still single while the Steve in my office is dating the hot intern. PGP.

Being excited about getting a Roomba for Christmas. PGP.

Each day I relate more and more to Phil Dunphy. PGP.

1: “So what are you planning to do with your Christmas bonus?” 2: “Pay bills, probably.” PGP.

Christmas party? Nope. Christmas Bonus? Nope. We don’t even get a Jelly of the Month club membership here. PGP.

I haven’t had actual paper currency in my wallet in weeks. PGP.

Going from living in a house filled with 30 of your best friends to a one bedroom apartment alone. PGP.

My boss loves me. My manager hates me. PGP.

Still not being a well qualified lessee. PGP.

Running to Stein Mart for a weekend outfit because you don’t have time to do laundry. PGP.

Making more money than I ever have in my life, still managing to be broke as fuck. PGP.

It’s one thing not being able to justify being hungover to your boss, it’s another thing to no longer be able to justify it to yourself. PGP.