I moved to Omaha today. PGP.

“We’ve decided to go with another candidate”. PGP.

Constantly telling myself “just stick with it and you might get a lake house someday.” PGP.

Some lady at work is talking about her biopsy in the break room. Size, thickness, color, circumference. PGP.

Just found out my go-to drink from Starbucks has 430 calories in it. PGP.

Anyone that uses “Ninja” as a title on LinkedIn. PGP.

Being legitimately excited about the new carpet that was installed in the office over the weekend. PGP.

Burned two-thirds of my lunch break in a drive-thru line. PGP.

Applying for your dream job while drunk. PGP.

The hardest thing I have done this week was quietly listen to Andre Nickatina at the office. PGP.

My neighbors’ kids stay up later than I do. PGP.

Not being able to celebrate a great job offer out of stress of the impending drug test. PGP.

Gonna stay in Friday night to do my taxes. PGP.

We hired a hot girl. Oh god, we hired a hot girl. PGP.

I see my Jimmy John’s delivery guy more than I see my family. PGP.

Did the math. If I don’t get at least $1,732 back on my tax return, I’ll have operated at a loss in 2014.

Hourly pay, salary responsibilities. PGP.

Having prescriptions for drugs you once used recreationally. PGP.

Perfecting the causal “lift and separate.” PGP.

Just paid Turbo Tax $29.99 for a $4 tax return. PGP.