My boss’s 16-year-old kid drives a nicer car than I do. PGP.

The closest thing I have to a man cave is the handicapped stall in the secret office bathroom. PGP.

My financial adviser described my drinking habit as “financially irresponsible.” PGP.

I have drunkenly bummed hundreds of cigs in the last year. PGP.

I moved to Omaha today. PGP.

“We’ve decided to go with another candidate.” PGP.

Constantly telling myself “just stick with it and you might get a lake house someday.” PGP.

Some lady at work is talking about her biopsy in the break room. Size, thickness, color, circumference. PGP.

Just found out my go-to drink from Starbucks has 430 calories in it. PGP.

Anyone that uses “Ninja” as a title on LinkedIn. PGP.

Being legitimately excited about the new carpet that was installed in the office over the weekend. PGP.

Burned two-thirds of my lunch break in a drive-thru line. PGP.