I have cumulatively been on hold for over 2 hours today. It will take at least a week to get the elevator music out of my head. PGP.

Listening to a coworker talk about her kidney stones. PGP.

Leaving a trail of bobby pins all over the office. PGP.

The highlight of your day was getting a good parking spot. PGP.

Getting connected with an ex on Tinder. PGP.

“I can already tell this is going to be another 60 hour week.” PGP.

Frantically trying to remember whose card you’re signing, even though it won’t change the generic message of “Good luck.” PGP.

Being in “rare form” now refers to being late for a meeting. PGP.

Getting pressured into giving blood for the office blood drive. PGP.

Having the worst story in the post-vacation “What did you do for Christmas?” story exchange. PGP.

Will I get fired for punching my cubicle neighbor next time he brags about his upcoming date? PGP.

Weekly computer troubleshooting phone calls from family because you work in IT. PGP.

Getting asked, “What exactly do we pay you for?” by your boss. PGP.

Early on the conference call. PGP.

My boss’s idea of an April Fools’ joke is having a fire drill when it’s 30 degrees outside. PGP.

Attempting to give up social media for Lent. PGP.

“I’m a little upset about a bad sexual episode last night.” -Fletcher Reed. PGP.

The WatchESPN app. My anti-PGP. PGP.

Buying the 8oz cans but drinking twice as many. PGP.

I almost said “compliments to the chef” at a Chili’s. PGP.