I wish I was half as happy as I sound in my emails. PGP.

My office wife works in the branch on the other side of the country. PGP

It will take me approximately 157 years at my current salary to earn what 21 year old Jordan Speith has earned so far in 2015. PGP

I got a deluxe office chair because I said I was in a car accident. I’ve never been in a car accident.

Getting written up for telling my boss “it’s not my job to vacuum” PGP

I go on vacation tomorrow. I mentally checked out yesterday. PGP

Signed a new lease on Friday, got notified on Monday I’m being moved to Connecticut. PGP.

Went to lunch at Twin Peaks yesterday, caught myself watching golf lessons on the big TV the whole time. PGP.

My boss is hazing me because I’m looking for another job. PGP

Freshman 20, post grad 30.

Had to actually send a fax today. In the year 2015. PGP.

Assessing the growth of your bald spot in the mirror at work. PGP.