Reading fraternity emails from the list serve while bored at work. PGP

Being considered a “valuable team player” for your ability to clear paper jams from the copy machine.

On Saturday, I feel asleep at 7pm because I had nothing better to do. PGP

With one final “Save the Date,” my vacation days are spent for the next sixth months. PGP

I feel no shame for job searching during my morning coffee dump.

For a brief, wonderful moment, I completely forgot what day it was. PGP

The most commonly used apps on my phone are for ordering food.

My chair makes fart noises every time I shift in my seat. PGP

The only emails I get CC’d on are cat videos from my co-workers. PGP

Moving my younger brother into the dorms in my college town this weekend. I might die.

Everyone is headed back to school and I’m just sitting at my desk. PGP

My personal hell involves having to listen to my coworkers humble brag about their children to each other.