All my friends are getting engaged and I’m just sitting here watching Netflix. PGP.

Putting in my two weeks soon. Can’t stop fantasizing about never seeing these people again. PGP.

Forgot my name badge/access badge for work today. Now I have to ask someone to open the door every time I leave. PGP.

If I had $1 for every time I heard the phrase “touch base” in the office, I could afford to add avocado to everything. PGP.

My old sugar momma just sent me a LinkedIn request… She is married now. PGP.

Getting transferred to a job just far enough away from DC that I can’t actually live anywhere decent or rent is too damn high. PGP.

Lost the keys to my rental car. PGP.

Of course Garth Brooks got his own Sirius XM channel right after my free trial expired. PGP.

My iPhone thinks I live at my office. PGP.

Getting promoted to salary but making less than hourly. PGP.

I go on LinkedIn sometimes when I’m at the bar. PGP.

Received a verbal warning for using 35 gigs of data on the company phone. PGP.