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Sometimes, the internet opens its arms and welcomes you in as if to say “My child, you may not know me, but I know everything about you.” That happened to me Tuesday morning when I opened my texts and found a hyperlink: awfulpeopleonhousehunters.tumblr.com.
If you haven’t already guessed, it’s a Tumblr page featuring the horrible people that are almost always on HGTV’s flagship show/douche orgy, “House Hunters.” Seriously, I want to physically assault roughly 85 percent of the people on that show. It’s always a young couple that thinks you can get a 4,000-square foot, open concept, Victorian mansion with hardwood floors and a new kitchen for less than $300,000 dollars. They’re all horrible.
These are actual things said by actual people on HH:
I’d love for my foot to meet your face.
You look like a cesspool.
You are everything wrong with America.
Worst wedding ever.
“It’s what we call ‘the former owners of the house were too poor to afford a real dining room table.'”
Get a load of this guy.
The ’90s were either very rough or very awesome for this gal.
Someone who could afford hired help to do the dishes would never wear a top like that.
Same. Don’t want an “I pissed in it first” situation on our hands.
Would love to see these two go face first into a chain link fence.
LOOK AT THE DOG.
I hate your face, but not as much as I hate your tiny little mouth.
Okay, this guy’s actually pretty cool.
I’d actually love to party with the guy who wants to put a pool table in his dining room, but outside of that, woof. May nature select you..
[via Tumblr]
H/T @Speck60
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Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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The guy with the pool table in the dining room probably also listens to the stereo with the TV on
*wife changes the channel while he’s taking a nap* – *wakes up* “hey turn it back, I was watching that”
He’s rocking the ultimate derp face.
The toilet guy must be in constant hell not being able to crap at work. I know I would.
If you were to take away my work poops I would have nothing.
That is the most perfectly photogenic dog I’ve ever seen.
It’s not a dog, it’s a real life Ewok. LOOK AT IT.
McGannon, I swear with all of these real estate articles I bet you are just itchin to buy a house.
“Worst wedding ever” is not hyperbole in the least.
Tile guy has a point…still an insufferable douche rocket
Hahaha tube tops.