The Mooch Flew Directly Into The Sun

The Mooch Flew Directly Into The Sun

In my first couple days at my first post-grad job, I made a few blunders that to this day still make me cringe. I wasn’t exactly flying too close to the sun enough to already be in job-jeopardy, but it definitely wasn’t something I remember fondly. At the time I remember thinking it can’t be possible to have a worse first week.

Today, however, I now feel better about myself thanks to the ten-day tenure of former White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci, a.k.a. “The Mooch.”

The Mooch didn’t fly too close to the sun; instead he grabbed the fastest ship possible and crashed directly into the sun. In an administration full of short tenures, Mooch has taken the gold medal by a significant margin with a 10-day stint on the job.

It wasn’t just any 10-day stint either. The Mooch packed in more action in a week and a half than most public servants do in a lifetime. It’s like the guy made it his mission to pack the entire plot of the movie The Wolf Of Wall Street into ten days:

– Gave an interview on-the-record, then threw a fit when the interview was published

– Referred to new co-worker Steve Bannon as a guy who tries to “suck his own cock.”

– Served divorce papers by his 9-months-pregnant wife, and then missed the birth of their child

– Instigated the firing of former Chief of Staff Reince Priebus, whom he also called a “fucking paranoid schizophrenic.”

– Sent this tweet literally five hours before he was shitcanned:

The Mooch packed enough action into ten days that if he writes a 500-page memoir on his time in the administration I’m going to have to read it. The guy shoots from the hip and couldn’t give less fucks. Wherever the man walks he scorches the earth.

If you ever feel scared that you’re flying too close to the sun at your office and need a boost of confidence, just remember that at least you haven’t flown directly into the sun. You may have forgotten to deliver that crucial report to your boss in time, but Mooch would’ve handed him that report covered in both cocaine and fecal residue. Congrats on still having a job, and pour one out for ole’ Mooch.

[via The New York Times]

Image via Shutterstock

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Kyle Bandujo

The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.

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