Austin Man Going Through Obvious Midlife Crisis Posts Craigslist Ad Promising To Get Divorced Dads Laid

Are you in the midst of a perpetual dry streak? Recently divorced or reeling from a bad breakup? Do you live in the Austin, Texas area? This guy is your man. He just wants some bros to kick back in his baller Lake Travis “party proof lake house built in the ’70s.”

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I may not be divorced, but I am definitely pondering breaking the lease at my shitty, overpriced, corporate apartment and bunking up with this dude and get with all of the babes. All of the babes. He’s pretty much Dan Bilzerian going through a midlife crisis. He’s got a stripper pole and a stage in the middle of his house. Look at the grade-A trim this guy is hauling in. Only the finest for our hero:

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Dimes. Straight dimes. There’s no doubt living with this guy might end up being the best lease term of your life (it won’t). Think of the possibilities.

I imagine your standard night would go something like this:

5:30pm- Return from work. Guy tosses you a tall, cool Lone Star from the fridge. Maybe take his boat for a spin. Definitely a Sun Tracker Party Barge man from way back.
6:30pm- You both shower and get ready for a big night out in west Travis County.
7:30pm- Vodka presses in the living room.
8:15pm- Dinner at Longhorn Steakhouse.
9:00pm- Head over to local pool hall to shoot some scratch and mack on single babes in their late 30s.
11:00pm- Hit another bar. More late-30s babes.
12:30am- Return home. Put on some Styx, coerce the 30 year old babes to hop on the stage and put on a show.
1:30am- Get laid!!!!!!
1:55am- Babes leave. Guy drunkenly tells you how lonely he truly is.
3:30am- Order ‘za?
4:00am- Finally lay down to sleep in your waterbed.

Think about it. $600 a month is a bargain.

Thanks to PGP user CubicleCEO for the tip.

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Brian McGannon

What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.

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