Apparently These Are The Best Jobs In America, But They All Sound Miserable

Apparently These Are The Best Jobs In America, But They All Sound Miserable

I’m just sitting here at my desk with SportsCenter on in front of me while wearing joggers and a comfy-as-hell 100% Pima Cotton Brooks Brothers longsleeve pocket tee when I see the headline “The Best Jobs In America.”

“Surely blogger is #1 on this list,” I think to myself as I clicked into Glassdoor’s list while our new social media intern tells Dillon about how a “dad punched him in the face.” Everything was gravy in my world. But then I saw this.

1. Data Scientist
2. Tax Manager
3. Solutions Architect
4. Engagement Manager
5. Mobile Developer
6. HR Manager
7. Physician Assistant
8. Product Manager
9. Software Engineer
10. Audit Manager

What the fuck are these jobs? Data Scientist? Solutions Architect? Engagement Manager? You’ve gotta think these are purely made up positions where people just took general career words from different industries and put them together to form a position that just sounded official. Like I don’t even know what a “product manager” would do. “Here’s a product, go manage it.” Get outta here.

So I came up with my Top 10 Jobs In America list, and it goes as follows.

1. Blogger
2. Springer Spaniel Breeder
3. Professional Athlete
4. Flyfishing Guide
5. Golf Pro
6. Matthew McConaughey
7. The Dude That Sprays Smoke In Tunnels Before Football Games
8. Vice President of The United States of America
9. Harlem Globetrotter
10. Manitowoc County Prosecutor

Boom. Nailed it.

Are you telling me that a tax manager would rather manage taxes than spend a day on the river flyfishing? Or that a solutions architect would rather architect solutions as opposed to playing golf all day and sippin’ Arnie Palmies? Yeah. Right. This list is just classic Corporate America trying to tell you that you can’t spread your wings and fly.

[via Glassdoor]

Image via YouTube

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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