- You’re telling people that you’re “Crushing it at work.”
- You’ve requested a stand-up desk, as opposed to a desk with a chair.
- You’ve talked about upgrading from your Corolla to a Camry.
- You’ve recently doubled the number of monitors on your desk.
- You’re on a first name basis with at least one of your clients and have yet to meet them face to face.
- You’ve shared three TED talks on Facebook in the last week.
- You successfully organized a networking event with your friends and coworkers under the guise of a completely spontaneous happy hour at a trendy bar downtown.
- You slapped a “Work Hard, Play Hard.” bumper sticker on one of your cubicle walls.
- You retweeted Richard Branson, Neil Degrasse-Tyson and Mark Cuban all on the same day.
- “Party Rock Anthem” is your go-to happy hour song.
- You have given out no less than three daps to coworkers each day this week.
- You’re blowing up the IT guy’s Gchat with your app ideas.
- You tweet about waking up when you wake up.
- You exclusively order buckets of Corona at happy hour, no matter what the special is.
- You are telling people that you’re training for an Iron Man competition, but are going to end up doing Warrior Dash instead.
- You’re thinking about getting your real estate license just for shits ‘n gigs.
- You have different secret high-five/handshake combos with multiple coworkers.
- You’re referring to your sales as your “nut.”
- You eat sushi for dinner five nights a week.
- You’re handing out business cards at church.
- You brag about your perfect blood pressure at the bar.
- You actually bought a bluetooth and are using it regularly in the car.
- You bought a matching cell phone holster for your bluetooth.
- You entered yourself into a bachelor date auction.
- You claim to know which restaurant has the best fajitas in town.
- You always buy ingredients for margaritas on every trip to the grocery store.
- You have a Phil Jackson quote on your dry erase board.
- You have begun pricing collarless leather jackets.
- Your largest expense in the last month was dress socks.
- You started a business podcast.
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Just as I thought, I’m crushing it.
Well, now I’m depressed. Better start drinking now.
Whats with all the Adam Scott Step Brothers references?
Because he’s crushing it. I think we all knew that already.
My sales are actually just my right nut. It’s overshadowed by its more prominent counterpart but still gets the job done.
#13 - Classic Dorno.

31, Your name is Gil Humplestead.
I like your style.