My office is starting a “Biggest Loser” competition.

That long sigh you let out as you walk into the office. PGP.

My chair makes fart noises every time I shift in my seat. PGP

My personal hell involves having to listen to my coworkers humble brag about their children to each other.

When it comes to Tums, it’s go bulk or go home. PGP.

Being surprised when you’re not hungover. PGP.

I’d make 15% more if I had a better fake laugh. PGP.

Strained my hamstring trying to block a bounce shot in beer pong. PGP.

Watching 60 Minutes. PGP.

Waiting for PGP to post new columns on Monday morning. PGP.