Finally have three years of work under my belt, so I can now apply for other entry level jobs that required 3-5 years of experience. PGP.

I’m just here so I don’t get fired. PGP.

I recently added Anheuser-Busch to my stock portfolio. Now my unbridled drinking habit is an investment. PGP.

My financial adviser described my drinking habit as “financially irresponsible.” PGP.

I meant to send an email titled “Touching Base” to a prospective client. Instead I sent out “Touching Bae.” PGP.

My life is now basically just waiting until I get to go to sleep again and then not being able to fall asleep when that time comes. PGP.

My Halloween news feed went from a bunch of girls in slutty costumes to a bunch of babies in costumes. PGP.

I shouldn’t have stayed out until 10 on a work night. PGP.

I can’t imagine a bigger waste of time than having a 40+ year old exec trying to explain our company’s social media platforms to a group of new grads. PGP.