Hangovers will be the only “badass” thing our generation will have to tell our grandkids about. “Back in my day when you went out and got fucked up you felt like shit for one to three days after! And that was before weed was legal and you could smoke your hangover away”
Man if I got all the beer I was owed for lending a hand moving all right now I could stay drunk until 2018. A lot of “yeah I’ll get you a case”s that never happened later and I’m driving a sedan
I keep a short beard because I look like I’m 14 without it, and it helps my face not look rotund as fuck after a weekend of beer and fast food. Long beards are for assholes and old men.
Other titles in this authors repertoire: “why you should never button your top 3 shirt buttons” and “Don’t be afraid to get handsy during your interview”
A psychological study conducted by me says 100% of women I’ve met from tinder have low self-esteem, and over 80% have a troubled relationship with their father figure. Very low sample size though, so it may be biased
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Hangovers will be the only “badass” thing our generation will have to tell our grandkids about. “Back in my day when you went out and got fucked up you felt like shit for one to three days after! And that was before weed was legal and you could smoke your hangover away”
Summer is overrated. I’m fucking done with being sunburnt and sweaty, and scalding myself on the hot leather seats of my car multiple times a day.
I can’t wait for all the “slutty harambe” costumes this year
I think I’ve only stayed awake past midnight once this month.. I feel you.
Man if I got all the beer I was owed for lending a hand moving all right now I could stay drunk until 2018. A lot of “yeah I’ll get you a case”s that never happened later and I’m driving a sedan
I drove a pickup from when I was 16 to 24.. Be prepared for everyone you know to ask you to help move shit.
So if I’m shooting 50% on those qualities, does that mean I’ll be at least a VP?
I keep a short beard because I look like I’m 14 without it, and it helps my face not look rotund as fuck after a weekend of beer and fast food. Long beards are for assholes and old men.
Welcome to 2016 where not submitting to a polygraph test and background check prior to speaking to a woman makes you a rapist.
By 2080 I’ll either be dead or a cyborg, either way I won’t be effected too much.
Meh, I’ll roll the dice. Still probably safer than driving drunk
If you’re upset about a few cents worth of coffee/ice, you probably can’t afford to drink Starbucks in the first place.
Other titles in this authors repertoire: “why you should never button your top 3 shirt buttons” and “Don’t be afraid to get handsy during your interview”
Shit like this make me glad I live in the Midwest where nobody gives a shit that everything I’m wearing costs less than 1 t-shirt at a Kanye store
“I really like my job”
A psychological study conducted by me says 100% of women I’ve met from tinder have low self-esteem, and over 80% have a troubled relationship with their father figure. Very low sample size though, so it may be biased
High-pulp OJ is the handjob of breakfast drinks. Yeah it’s alright, but you know it could be a lot better
This reminds me of Dick Lewiston from The Goods; “I remember a time when men were men, and women were women, and coloreds were coloreds..”
Not exactly the mid-week pick me up we all needed but pretty accurate.
Last week I had a 93-minute call with a customer and wanted to blow my brains out. Tack on 9 more hours and I probably would have