Even Tinder bots won’t talk to me. PGP.

There are now NFL head coaches younger than me. PGP.

Refusing to burn PTO on the impending ice storm then being the only one in the office who shows up. PGP.

My ex’s ex is dating my other ex. PGP.

Dated my ex for five years and his parents wouldn’t let him propose because he was in grad school. He just got engaged to someone from his grad school. PGP.

Didn’t talk to a single high school friend while home for vacation. PGP.

My coworker got a $200 Amazon gift card for Secret Santa. I got a Justin Bieber bath towel. PGP.

You know you’re getting old when your friends all start having planned pregnancies. PGP.

I share a computer with our intern. PGP.

Exactly 1 person has to be physically in the office on Christmas Eve “in case of emergencies.” That person is me. PGP.