Getting carded today was easily the biggest compliment I’ve gotten this year.

My life is now just a never ending cycle of Pepto-Bismol and sleeping pills. PGP.

There are now NFL head coaches younger than me. PGP.

I give zero fucks about your school supply shopping trip. PGP.

Walked into work this morning to find I was the only one in my department who didn’t take the day off.

“Hey, you see what the powerball’s at now!?”

Finally taking off your earbuds and realizing just how loud your music has been after hours of work and weird looks from coworkers.

“How was your vacation?”

I used to wonder what the worst day of the year was until I woke up this morning.

“Let’s discuss this offline.”