living the PGL of a accountant in the fast paced world of the Houston reinsurance scene. Proponent of the 4 day work week and day drinking during lunch breaks at the local Chili's. Weekdays you can find me living the cube life and gettin my sweet fluorescent light tan on and on the weekend you can catch me at the beach or at a local bar calling everyone hipsters who order Moscow mules.
Likes: beer, jeeps, scotch, emotionally unavailable women.
Dislikes:
Will deFries
pretty sure they own it. his parents are selling multiple houses at once and he rolls with dudes who have beach mansions. all i gotta say is #mustbenice
think this adds to your #5 but when you’re entering a parking lot or store lot from the street and there is a car there ready to make a right turn on to the street and they are in the middle of the damn entrance of the parking lot. They have 4 more damn feet to the right of them and now i’m having to maneuver my jeep at a snails pace so i dont remove their front driver side quarter pannel when entering. also get some decent size tires for your truck and an offset for em they act like a buffer zone and if someone side swipes you like in #3 they’re the ones needing to get to get their car fixed while you just have some scuff marks on your tires.
get diabetes and hypertension from eating waffles and french toast on a reg or get them from eating shitty candy corn? I’ll stick to the originals.
Also we all know the only candy company that can make food flavored candy decently is Jelly Belly
all the basic girls with profiles on POF Tinder or Bumble would sure get executed in North Korea….cause you know they’re all fluent in “sarcasm”. I swear to god if i read that damn line in another woman’s profile i’ll lose my shit. i’d prefer the honest descriptor “i’m kinda an asshole but the kind you and your friends will find witty and funny” instead of “fluent in sarcasm”.
I need a drink. i literally envisioned myself in that restaurant being annoyed AF by these two….damn deFries you literary talent for engrossing your reader and bringing them in the annoying shriek and “momma like” filled purgratory that is the protagonist’s life is going to drive me to alcoholism…correct further into alcoholism.
their breakfast isnt that great i dont expect microwaved french toast to be that good since all their pastries are shipped in. Plus if a place doesnt offer chicken and waffles on the brunch menu isnt it even a brunch place?
I feel ya. i do investment accounting but when i talk to girls i leave the “accounting” part out and just say i deal with investments. gives me a wolf of wall street/gordon gekko vibe like if i was sitting in front of a bloomberg box with a headset makings decisions and shit. when in reality i just do is reports, recons, and some statutory reporting stuff.
…..alcohol has lied to us about many the opposite sex’s looks and made their personalities seem appealing when sober and not a free fall of self destructiveness that is being at a bar in your late 20’s brings you you’d find them revolting and not at all appealing. So by her logic those nail polishes that detect drugs in drinks should also detect alcohol cause it basically makes us lie to ourselves
I adhere to the Ron Swanson’s guideline for drinking “clear alcohols are for rich women on diets”. Exception is made for moonshine/everclear. You may now begin to down vote me to oblivion.
Your family sounds pretty great. the fact that theres no mention of home made apple pie shine and since it wasnt involved in your family reunion its omission may have also caused your downfall.
Word bro…to get angry or upset by what someone tells you is losing control of yourself and no shit bag nobody should be able to wield your emotions on a whim against you. emotions are a powerful thing and being able to keep them in check when needed is definitely a valuable attribute that you learn as you age. Very few people should have that great of an impact on your outlook or how you feel unless they’ve earned that right. Good column and also agree that the cover picture is hipster AF.
I’m a bit of a moral degenerate but double teaming someone’s wife or him cheering me on from the sofa chair next to the bed was a bit outta my comfort zone…..
Think the worst one was when i was volunteering at this ritzy scholarship dinner and auction at this high end marriott resort. Once the auction was over they started playing club music and all the rich people starting dancing. I was cut loose from my volunteer obligations and i partook in the free open bar. while out on the floor this older affluent lady (guessing by all the jewlery she had)starts griding up on me she also grabs one of my bros there with me and tries to make a sandwich with her as the piece of meat….that was weird. After that i went and chilled at the open bar they had outside the ball room. I struck up a convo with this dude and was hoping to get a valuable networking asset and maybe a sweet paid summer internship. Mentioned how he and his wife had just returned from Jamaica after a month long vacation to which i respond with something like “i hope to be able to manage that one day.” His wife shows up and we talk more then she gets to the point where she says ever since being back from jamaica and back in SA she was in the mood for mexican. I give em some hole in the wall places that rich people probably dont go to for good mexican food but i was rebuffed with “i dont think you get what i’m saying” from her and thats when she grabbed my thigh and the guy seemed perfectly cool about his wife making a pass at me and mentioning they got a room because they planned on partying………so yeah…..so if thats all you got as far as weird people or awkward situations Nick be happy.
i mean if you cut tail and run to a tropical nation with no extradition laws you could probably get away or at least prolong the time before you get tossed in the clink…The Maldives would be my top pic but a 2nd back up nation to run to with your ill gotten money would be nice global warming and all.
Advertise
pretty sure they own it. his parents are selling multiple houses at once and he rolls with dudes who have beach mansions. all i gotta say is #mustbenice
think this adds to your #5 but when you’re entering a parking lot or store lot from the street and there is a car there ready to make a right turn on to the street and they are in the middle of the damn entrance of the parking lot. They have 4 more damn feet to the right of them and now i’m having to maneuver my jeep at a snails pace so i dont remove their front driver side quarter pannel when entering. also get some decent size tires for your truck and an offset for em they act like a buffer zone and if someone side swipes you like in #3 they’re the ones needing to get to get their car fixed while you just have some scuff marks on your tires.
get diabetes and hypertension from eating waffles and french toast on a reg or get them from eating shitty candy corn? I’ll stick to the originals.
Also we all know the only candy company that can make food flavored candy decently is Jelly Belly
all the basic girls with profiles on POF Tinder or Bumble would sure get executed in North Korea….cause you know they’re all fluent in “sarcasm”. I swear to god if i read that damn line in another woman’s profile i’ll lose my shit. i’d prefer the honest descriptor “i’m kinda an asshole but the kind you and your friends will find witty and funny” instead of “fluent in sarcasm”.
TGDAG: Tailgate
I need a drink. i literally envisioned myself in that restaurant being annoyed AF by these two….damn deFries you literary talent for engrossing your reader and bringing them in the annoying shriek and “momma like” filled purgratory that is the protagonist’s life is going to drive me to alcoholism…correct further into alcoholism.
their breakfast isnt that great i dont expect microwaved french toast to be that good since all their pastries are shipped in. Plus if a place doesnt offer chicken and waffles on the brunch menu isnt it even a brunch place?
I feel ya. i do investment accounting but when i talk to girls i leave the “accounting” part out and just say i deal with investments. gives me a wolf of wall street/gordon gekko vibe like if i was sitting in front of a bloomberg box with a headset makings decisions and shit. when in reality i just do is reports, recons, and some statutory reporting stuff.
…..alcohol has lied to us about many the opposite sex’s looks and made their personalities seem appealing when sober and not a free fall of self destructiveness that is being at a bar in your late 20’s brings you you’d find them revolting and not at all appealing. So by her logic those nail polishes that detect drugs in drinks should also detect alcohol cause it basically makes us lie to ourselves
I adhere to the Ron Swanson’s guideline for drinking “clear alcohols are for rich women on diets”. Exception is made for moonshine/everclear. You may now begin to down vote me to oblivion.
Your family sounds pretty great. the fact that theres no mention of home made apple pie shine and since it wasnt involved in your family reunion its omission may have also caused your downfall.
joggers? i remember when they were called sweatpants
…..but fuck crossfit tho
you can have em carry your stuff to. make him your own personal pack mule.
Word bro…to get angry or upset by what someone tells you is losing control of yourself and no shit bag nobody should be able to wield your emotions on a whim against you. emotions are a powerful thing and being able to keep them in check when needed is definitely a valuable attribute that you learn as you age. Very few people should have that great of an impact on your outlook or how you feel unless they’ve earned that right. Good column and also agree that the cover picture is hipster AF.
i respect your integrity
You had me at slutty drunk…sup?
I’m a bit of a moral degenerate but double teaming someone’s wife or him cheering me on from the sofa chair next to the bed was a bit outta my comfort zone…..
Think the worst one was when i was volunteering at this ritzy scholarship dinner and auction at this high end marriott resort. Once the auction was over they started playing club music and all the rich people starting dancing. I was cut loose from my volunteer obligations and i partook in the free open bar. while out on the floor this older affluent lady (guessing by all the jewlery she had)starts griding up on me she also grabs one of my bros there with me and tries to make a sandwich with her as the piece of meat….that was weird. After that i went and chilled at the open bar they had outside the ball room. I struck up a convo with this dude and was hoping to get a valuable networking asset and maybe a sweet paid summer internship. Mentioned how he and his wife had just returned from Jamaica after a month long vacation to which i respond with something like “i hope to be able to manage that one day.” His wife shows up and we talk more then she gets to the point where she says ever since being back from jamaica and back in SA she was in the mood for mexican. I give em some hole in the wall places that rich people probably dont go to for good mexican food but i was rebuffed with “i dont think you get what i’m saying” from her and thats when she grabbed my thigh and the guy seemed perfectly cool about his wife making a pass at me and mentioning they got a room because they planned on partying………so yeah…..so if thats all you got as far as weird people or awkward situations Nick be happy.
i mean if you cut tail and run to a tropical nation with no extradition laws you could probably get away or at least prolong the time before you get tossed in the clink…The Maldives would be my top pic but a 2nd back up nation to run to with your ill gotten money would be nice global warming and all.