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She wasn’t sure sure, but she had her suspicions. Just in case, she decided it would be prudent to put on a full face of makeup and switch from athleisure to Madewell.
The text came in sometime around 8 o’clock on Sunday night while she did her pre-bed routine. Sperry was nestled between her throw pillows while she began getting in bed, and a Friends rerun (“The One with the Proposal” obviously) played in the background. Todd had to leave town on business the next morning, so he needed to be in bed earlier than normal.
“Any plans on Wednesday afternoon?” Caroline asked out of the blue.
“This is it,” she thought. “This is my moment.”
She double-checked her phone to ensure that Katie wasn’t also on the iMessage conversation. Upon realizing she wasn’t, she promptly texted Katie “Any plans this week?” in an effort to see if she had also been invited by Caroline to lunch. Katie explained that she simply “could not be more busy” during the upcoming week, and from that point on, she knew that she was the one who was going to be asked by Caroline to be her Maid of Honor.
When the clock struck one on Wednesday afternoon, she sat patiently in Cafe Yolanda after ordering two cold brews from the bar – one for her, one for Caroline. Adjusting her hair and ensuring her makeup wasn’t messy by using her iPhone’s front-facing camera, she waited for Caroline to walk through the door.
She had practiced her emotions in the mirror all morning – excited, honored, everything. Nervous, she kept readjusting the table, straightening the silverware, and organizing the sweetener packets next to the succulent centerpieces.
When Caroline emerged through the front door of the restaurant, she gave out a shriek. Not a shriek loud enough to startle anyone, but still loud enough to let the rest of the restaurant know that she was excited to see Caroline.
“Oh my gawd,” Caroline said as they hugged and fake-kissed each other’s cheeks. “I fucking love your jeans, I’m totally getting those and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“These old things?” she responded while putting her hands flat on her thighs. “They, like, probably don’t even make them anymore.” But truthfully, the company did still make the jeans because she bought them on Monday. She simply didn’t want Caroline to get the same pair.
In Caroline’s hands were two things: her clutch and a canvas bag with a bottle of champagne sticking out of the top that she attempted to shield from her line of sight. Unable to contain herself, She asked, “Champs this early on a Wednesday? Don’t hate it.”
Caroline laughed.
“Well,” Caroline began.
And that’s when She knew.
She sat on her hands as to not fidget while Caroline reached below her chair and started lifting up the bag. She knew what was about to be asked and considered finishing Caroline’s sentence for her in a Zoolander-esque acceptance speech sort of way. Her vocal chords were begging to be unleashed with a frenzy of “yes, yes, yes” but Caroline still hadn’t gotten the actual words out.
“That’s actually why I asked you to lunch,” Caroline continued.
Her palms sweat while the thought of “Fuck you, Katie, I’m the Maid of Honor” ran briefly through her head. Realizing that she needed to act calm and surprised, she attempted to wipe the smile off her face and maintain a look of innocence in her eyes.
“I know it’s a little late,” Caroline went on. “And I know it’s a little close to when we should probably go on a bachelorette party,” she explained.
“Just fucking say it already,” she wanted to yell out.
“But, would you be my Maid of Honor?” Caroline finally asked.
She put her hands over her mouth acting fake surprised despite the fact that she had already “known” for the past three days. Prior to that very moment, she knew there would be two outcomes of the lunch – she’d either gleefully accept her duties as Maid of Honor, or she’d talk shit behind the would-be Maid of Honor’s back (ie. Katie’s back) for the foreseeable future.
“Yes, yes, yes!” she exclaimed.” Of course, I’ll be your Maid of Honor!” At this point, her screaming went from letting others in the restaurant know what happened loudly to actually startling them with the commotion.
Caroline took the bottle of Veuve Clicquot out of her bag. Written on the bottle in paint pen was, “Will you be my Maid of Honor?” written in calligraphy.
Immediately setting the bottle down after grabbing it from Caroline’s clutches, they both stood up next to the table and began hugging while jumping up and down.
After sitting down, she explained to Caroline, “Ugh, I was so hoping you’d ask me,” before gently asking, “Soooo, who else is going to be in your bridal party?” with the sole intention of wondering if Katie had found out yet.
“Well,” Caroline hesitated. “I know this is a little unorthodox, but since y’all are such good friends I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal.”
She could feel her face turning white as Caroline started explaining. Luckily, she had put enough foundation on that it wouldn’t matter or be obvious.
“I’ve also asked Katie to be a co-Maid of Honor.” .
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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W. DeFries Shyamalan coming in hot with the plot twist
Meanwhile:
Enjoy it now, because all hell is gonna break loose when you open that apartment door in a few days.
Things Girls Do After Graduation: Murder Katie
Todd’s “business trip” is totally to visit Claire.
I want this to be true so bad.
Claire took away his phone on the first “date,” and didn’t give it back until the next day. There’s a good chance she’s as bad as Girl.
This is Caroline’s way of getting back at her for that thing she did five years ago because she’s a stupid bitch.
The co-maid of honor thing might just piss her off more than not being maid of honor at all. And that’s hilarious.
She’ll make Todd propose just prior to the wedding in retaliation. Poor Todd.
She’ll make him propose at the wedding.
todd might actually dislike caroline enough to do it
I’m hoping Todd will break-up with Her publicly at the wedding.
I could feel the knife twisting in that black void Girl calls a heart and it felt good.
I happy that Todd had the good fortune to be away on business when Girl got hit with this. It is always good to be out of the blast radius of an irrational female who feels like she’s been slighted.
I’m sick, I made an error about Todd’s whereabouts and my brain is a bowl of jelly rn. I’m sorry.
Luckily you caught it before the comment trolls did.
Three people got it before I did. Ashamed.
Good. Good. Destroy her, Caroline, with your continued stealthy evilness.
The article is a weekly reminder that I can’t upgrade my FWB to girlfriend status. Holy fuck.
Does Caroline realize how batshit her friends are? Or does she just like to watch the world burn?
“Don’t try to understand women, Bud. Women understand other women, and they all hate each other.” Al Bundy
This is genius. Co-Maid of Honors will constantly try to out-do each other and Caroline will have a bomb ass bachelorette party and wedding shower gifts for days.
Its totally genius and she stays completely innocent the whole time. Caroline is the Keyser Söze of this whole story