Things Girls Do After Graduation: Passive-Aggression

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Things Girls Do After Graduation: Passive-Aggression

After finding out that her Maid of Honor duties would be shared with Katie, the following conversation transpired.

Girl: Oh, so…like, we’re both your Maid of Honor?

Caroline: Yeah, I just couldn’t decide because I just love you both so much and I wanted you to both be right there with me on my special day.

Girl: Oh, yeah, I totally get it.

Caroline: You seem… I don’t know. You don’t seem that thrilled.

Girl: No! No. I’m totally thrilled. Like, I can’t wait.

Caroline: Well good!

Girl: It’s just like… will that work? Like, logistically. Idk, I’m just trying to run everything through my head.

Caroline: What do you mean? I feel like it would actually be, I dunno, easier with two people?

Girl: Oh, you’re so right there. Two heads are always better than one. I so get that.

Caroline: I literally could not agree more.

Girl: But, like, sometimes I wonder if there’s actually truth to that, you know? When I’m in charge of something, I like to be in charge of something. I just don’t want us to, like, have confusion surrounding who’s going to do what and who’s going to need to be where at what time and stuff. You know?

Caroline: I guess I’m a little confused?

Girl: Liiiiiike… who’s going to stand where during the ceremony? Are we supposed to do a Maid of Honor speech together or separate? Are your wedding photos going to have both of us in it or are we going to be separate? Stuff like that.


Girl: I sound like such a bitch right now.

Caroline: Oh my God, stop! No, you don’t! *looks down at her placemat*

Girl: No no, I think it’ll be so great sharing this experience with her. I’m so sure she won’t get as drunk as she did at her sister’s wedding and everything will go fine.


Girl: Oh, I forgot you weren’t invited to her sister’s wedding. It, like, wasn’t a big deal at all. I mean, if barely being able to stand during your speech isn’t a big deal to you… *fake sips a flute of champagne*

Caroline: Hahaha, oh, I saw the video. Trust me.

Girl: Yeah, like I said, not a big deal at all.


Girl: Is there, like, anything you want me specifically to take care of? I mean, you’ve seen her apartment’s aesthetic.

Caroline: Her apartment? I’m confused.

Girl: Like… we’re going to have to help you shop for a dress, help with your invites, wedding shower, help with hair and makeup. You know, make sure everything is perf.

Caroline: Her wedding was so well done that I’m, like, not even worried about it.

Girl: So you’re saying that I can’t help plan a wedding because I’ve never gotten married?

Caroline: No! No no no – that’s not what I’m saying at all. It’s just… she *gets* it, you know?

Girl: I guess I don’t know?

Caroline: Ugh, I feel like we’ve totally derailed this lunch with all of this. Like, do you not want to be a Maid of Honor? Or do you not want Katie to be a Maid of Honor? I don’t want this to be a *thing*.

Girl: Ugh, I’m so sorry, I’m coming off as such a bitch. I literally could not be more excited to be your Maid of Honor. Like, I’ve been waiting for you to ask me since I heard you got engaged. Like, so excited.

Caroline: Okay, good.

Girl: Don’t tell her I told you any of this, but we’ve actually already started planning your bachelorette together.

Caroline: Really?!

Girl: Totes, but like I said, don’t tell her I told you this – she wanted to do something local for it and I was like, “Girl, no, we’re obvs doing her dad’s place in Cabo.”

Caroline: Wait, are you, like… serious? She didn’t want to do Cabo?

Girl: *fake zips her mouth shut*

Caroline: That’s soooo dumb. I’ve been pretty vocal about doing that.

Girl: Idk, maybe money’s tight with her and Finn. Just sayin’.

Caroline: Okay, well, whatever you do, just make sure Cabo happens at any cost. I totally trust you with everything.

Girl: Oh, you know it’ll be perfect.

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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