I work in retail.

Went to my upstairs neighbors to tell them they were being too loud. It was 10 p.m.. On Friday.

My life goal is to be so successful that it hurts my ex girlfriends feelings. PGP

1: “How’s it goin?” 2: “Just another day in paradise.”

“Where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

I had to Google what “on fleek” meant.

I don’t know what’s more concerning, that I’m the only one in my office not dressed up for Halloween or that my boss is wearing the most complex Hellraiser costume I’ve ever seen. PGP.

My girlfriend gained too much weight this year to pull off a slutty Halloween costume. PGP.

My source of excitement for Halloween is knowing that candy will be 75% off tomorrow. PGP.

Girls going from “sexy” to “comfy” Halloween costumes. PGP.