Taking the middle stall in the office bathroom to throw everyone else off. PGPM.

Last week, my boss threw a pen at me. This week, he told me I was doing a great job and going places. PGP.

My boss said “We’re done beating around the bush” today and instead of laughing, I just thought about how little sex I’m having. PGP.

Finding a unused shaker bottle with protein powder in it from a year ago. PGP.

My manager’s email signature is a Marilyn Monroe quote. PGP.

Saying you’re in your “mid-20s” at 27. PGP.

Today I had to use a sick day for another job interview. My boss called my doctor. PGP.

Don’t even know why I own sunglasses. The only time I escape the four walls of this hell hole is when it’s dark. PGP.

There are two types of people in my office: people with hobbies and people with kids. I have neither. PGP.