“Let’s do lunch soon!” really just means “Let’s do lunch never.” PGP.

I don’t remember the last time I wore underwear to work. PGP.

You just keep trying to convince yourself that Tinder isn’t online dating. PGP.

I’m starting to think that things kids are doing nowadays are stupid. PGP.

I let all the vegetables in my fridge go bad. Again. PGP.

Getting into wine because it’s cheaper than liquor. PGP.

First day of classes, huh? Must be nice. PGP.

Today, they asked me to help move file cabinets from one side of the office to the other. PGP.

Put in my two weeks notice and got a hefty raise and promotion instead. I still want to quit. PGP.

Buying Nike Dri-Fit clothing knowing full well that you will never wear it for its intended use. PGP.