LinkedIn suggested that I connect with the officer who arrested me freshman year. PGP.

The not so very subtle fist pump when the handicap stall in the bathroom is vacant. PGP.

Every day at work, I park under an old tree in the hopes that it will fall and I can then collect the insurance money on my totaled car. PGP.

This is my cube. There are many like it, but this one is mine. My cube is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. My cube, without me, is useless. Without my cube, I am useless. PGP.

Staying two extra minutes late, but just so you don’t have to walk out with anybody. PGP.

The best part of my recent birthday was my insurance agent calling to tell me my premium went down. PGP.

Having to work on your flight to vacation, but not having the balls to expense the in-flight wifi. PGP.

Regretting the obligatory “If you have any questions, please let me know” after someone emails you back with a question. PGP.

The never ending guessing game about how much you think upper management makes. PGP.

“I just wanna lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” -Kevin Malone. PGP.