The thought of sleeping in tomorrow is making me giddy. PGP.

I’ll know who my future wife is when we both get pissed at the bartender during last call and both start verbally abusing him at the same time. That’s when I’ll know she’s the one. PGP.

Much like my dog just knows he is going to the vet, my liver and bank account know I’m going back to homecoming soon. They are not happy. PGP.

I changed my password this morning to a liquor followed by a numerical “1.” PGP.

My friends are all getting engaged. I’m still puking on street corners. PGP.

Sometimes I stay late when I have nothing to do after work. PGP.

“Well, look who decided to show up.” I was 5 minutes late. PGP

I have no intention to change my drinking habits. PGP.

The awkward “let’s tell people we met at a bar” talk with your Tinder hook up. PGP.

It’s my turn to take the weekend shift. My boss verbally warned me “you need to be sober.” PGP.