Threw up in an Uber. At 4 PM. On a Sunday. After Brunch. PGP.

My closet office wife and I broke up, and people have started asking us, “Why aren’t you hanging out with/talking to each other anymore?” PGP.

My boss saw this push notification on my phone: “Your saved job ____ is about to expire. Don’t wait to apply!” PGP.

I was 150% productive yesterday; I’m about 30% productive today. It’s called balance. PGP.

Printed my resume at work for the new job that I’m interviewing for while my boss was waiting behind me in the line. PGPowerMove.

The only company not taking today off. PGP.

Asked my new job to let me start in January so I could hold out for a Christmas bonus from job I was going to leave…… we only got a bucket of popcorn. PGP.

Pretending you were drunk when you were actually just a sober psycho. PGP.

Burned my bagel this morning. PGP.

A typo on my new business cards. PGP.