I’m so bored, I just went to the bathroom for a change of scenery. PGP.

In yesterday’s mail I received: a mortgage statement, a bill from my dermatologist, and a wedding invitation. So, all bills. PGP.

“Come see me when you get in this morning.” PGP.

Coworker asked if I had dental work done because my cheek looked swollen. I had a dip in. PGP.

“Have a great J4!” Please cut it the fuck out with the weird abbreviations that no one uses. PGP.

Getting a phone call after 4:00 PM heading into a long holiday weekend. PGP.

Thinking your girlfriend is physically attracted to you. PGP.

Watching Spongebob with my nephew and exclusively identifying with Squidward. PGP.

My life is one part “The Office,” two parts “Office Space,” zero parts funny. PGP.

I got a job in my college town. So now when I’m out, I’m referred to as “that old guy.” PGP.