Putting more effort and creativity into PGP submissions than my actual work. PGP.

Just trying to make it to lunch. PGP.

Negative net worth. PGP.

Just gave my two weeks during my annual performance review. DOBBY IS A FREE ELF. PGP.

CEO just bought a private jet, which explains why I didn’t get a raise. PGP.

I have a constant day dream of watching “The Big Lebowski” in my bathtub while eating a large pizza. PGP.

The fake half-smile/head nod combo you give people in the hallways. PGP.

On my way back from lunch today, I told myself out loud that “Everything’s going to be okay.” PGP.

I feel congratulations are in order. Our warehouse has officially gone eleven days without a stabbing incident. PGP.

The effort going into faking sick on the phone is more work than I would actually produce in a day. PGP.