22: Yeah, you’re probably right. You’ve been here longer. You know what you’re doing.
29: Go outside, right now. Out on the lawn. Go up to that tree and apologize. Apologize for stealing the oxygen it works so hard to produce. And go get a fucking refund on your engineering degree. How did you study more calculus than me and still don’t know how this works? You fucking jackass…
Of course Duda is the one to bemoan the end of Blackberry. I’m sure DeFries will let you take a half day so you can go to some shady flea market outside town and pick up grandma’s old rotary phone so you can continue the next leg of your hipster progression.
This right here is why I don’t have an Instagram. I’m fucking broke, I don’t have a squad of friends, and there’s nothing to do in this city aside from drinking at different locations. I wake up with this knowledge everyday. Why would I need an additional visual reminder?
Damn… I can’t relate to any of this. Uber conservative family that kept their thumb down on me. And that’s exactly why I went buck wild in college (beyond the usual) instead of focusing on learning. I promise myself everyday to let my future kids do their thing and that I won’t shield them from the world. PG fuckin P, man.
Stage 3: Put up a binge worthy show on Netflix
Stage 4: Google “how the fuck do I make friends?”
Stage 5: Drink
Stage 6: Drink again
Stage 7: Drink some more
Stage 8: Get too depressed to read Google results
Stage 9: Pass out on couch at 9 PM with show still rolling in the background
By “we,” I mean all of us here at PGP. And by “chat,” I mean whip your motherfucking ass for still being with this dumb bitch. I get it, you’re blinded by pussy. I’ve been there. But it ain’t that good. No pussy is that good. You need a weekend to think things over. A weekend with your boys, in a different zip code, hookers, Colombian booger sugar, and go buck wild, man. You can have your life back. Do it before it’s too late. Do it before she’s carrying your balls in whatever overpriced trendy ass purse is popular right now.
Advertise
Humblebrag: Landlord said I can do whatever I want as long as I leave it how I found it when I move out.
Your complex sounds like hell. I would be kicked out in the first month. Fight the Man, Duda.
On coworkers:
22: Yeah, you’re probably right. You’ve been here longer. You know what you’re doing.
29: Go outside, right now. Out on the lawn. Go up to that tree and apologize. Apologize for stealing the oxygen it works so hard to produce. And go get a fucking refund on your engineering degree. How did you study more calculus than me and still don’t know how this works? You fucking jackass…
Blatantly screwing up someone’s name to show how insignificant they are. PGPowerMove
Of course Duda is the one to bemoan the end of Blackberry. I’m sure DeFries will let you take a half day so you can go to some shady flea market outside town and pick up grandma’s old rotary phone so you can continue the next leg of your hipster progression.
fuck
This right here is why I don’t have an Instagram. I’m fucking broke, I don’t have a squad of friends, and there’s nothing to do in this city aside from drinking at different locations. I wake up with this knowledge everyday. Why would I need an additional visual reminder?
Yeah, I would probably leave that part out of my biography as well.
I’ve had a thing for Christina Hendricks since episode 1 of Mad Men
pfffff… whatever, Johnson would walk in to “Santeria” and light up a fat ass blunt
But…. December 25th would make you a Capricorn.
What the fuck, Jesus!?
It’s called the bar exam, not the rod exam.
Damn… I can’t relate to any of this. Uber conservative family that kept their thumb down on me. And that’s exactly why I went buck wild in college (beyond the usual) instead of focusing on learning. I promise myself everyday to let my future kids do their thing and that I won’t shield them from the world. PG fuckin P, man.
Killer write up, Madoff.
TGDAG: Paleo Dog Food
Are you telling me that “won’t you be my neighbor?” was a euphemism this entire time?
….paging JR Hickey
Stage 3: Put up a binge worthy show on Netflix
Stage 4: Google “how the fuck do I make friends?”
Stage 5: Drink
Stage 6: Drink again
Stage 7: Drink some more
Stage 8: Get too depressed to read Google results
Stage 9: Pass out on couch at 9 PM with show still rolling in the background
Girl made you use pumpkin spice lube, didn’t she?
Whiskey dick is pretty effective too but I don’t see anyone getting hyped about that.
Todd…. bruh…. we need to have a chat.
By “we,” I mean all of us here at PGP. And by “chat,” I mean whip your motherfucking ass for still being with this dumb bitch. I get it, you’re blinded by pussy. I’ve been there. But it ain’t that good. No pussy is that good. You need a weekend to think things over. A weekend with your boys, in a different zip code, hookers, Colombian booger sugar, and go buck wild, man. You can have your life back. Do it before it’s too late. Do it before she’s carrying your balls in whatever overpriced trendy ass purse is popular right now.
If you ever feel worthless in life, just remember that someone gets paid to install turn signals in BMWs.