This Week In ‘Hipsters Ruin Everything’: Overpriced Basic Paleo Diets For Dogs

This Week In "Hipster's Ruin Everything": Overpriced Basic Paleo Diets For Dogs

A list of things that are sacred anymore: nothing. As a child, my mom made me feed my dog every day. I’d toss some canned food on top of his dry food and he’d scarf that down faster than I could eat my Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. If dogs could smile, our dog would’ve been ear to ear with how full he was. Every day was Thanksgiving for him, and his diet remained consistent over the course of his long life.

But that’s all going down the drain now because people are starting to feed their dogs better diets than they’re feeding their own kids. Granted, most people like their dogs more than their kids anyway, but still, I’m just going to come out and say it – this is dumb.

A Melbourne company aptly named Pawleo has taken the insufferable CrossFit paleo diet trend to a whole new level by creating artisanal dog food that’s described as “raw, grain-free, and natural.” Anyone that’s done the smallest amount of research knows that throwing the “natural” label on food means literally nothing, but let’s not get hung up on that fact and proceed to the real bullshit behind this dumb idea.

The food contains all the basic necessities in any 25-year-old Bachelor fan’s diet: raw meat, veggies, eggs, fish oil, beef, chicken, rabbit, offal, free range eggs, apples, bananas, bok choy, broccoli, carrots, spinach, sweet potatoes, zucchini, lentils, and turmeric. No, but seriously, if I looked at my girlfriend’s grocery list, I’d probably find most of this shit on there. And the kicker? People are paying $120 for this shit. That’s more than I spend on my own groceries per week, let alone what I’d be willing to spend on a dog. Don’t get me wrong – in any home, dogs are the king of the castle. But come the fuck on.

Unfortunately, this one company is a small representation of a bigger trend in the pet world. Dumbasses far and wide are serving their pets all sorts of basic-ass white girl shit, including paleo smoothie bowls that you’re more likely to see on a just-graduated girl’s Instagram account rather than on the shelves at PetSmart.

Earth to all you psychos out there feeding your dogs this diet: it’s not safe to give your dogs raw food. As The Daily Mail points out, “The American Veterinary Medical Association does not recommend feeding your dogs raw food due to the risk of illness.” Is making your dog into a basic bitch worth the risk or are you going to personally cook every meal for your dog? That’s a real question, because when you’re wine-drunk after your work happy hour and wanting some pizza, the last thing on your mind is going to be running home to cook rabbit for Wishbone.

[via Daily Mail]

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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