Please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me please don’t talk to me damn it. “Good morning!” PGP.

Quit calling me a “team player.” I’m not. PGP.

That moment of anxiety between logging into your bank account and waiting for the page to load. PGP.

Ending an email with a passive-aggressive smiley face. PGP.

A litany of HR infractions resulting in you being eskimo sisters with your boss. PGP.

This guy I work with walks by my desk every day at 4 to get his mail, signifying there’s an hour left in the workday. We have never spoken or exchanged a glance. He is hands down my favorite coworker. PGP.

1: “Hey! How are you?” 2. “Good. Nice weather, huh?” 1: “Yep!” 2: “Cool, bye.” PGP.

Caught myself tapping my foot along to the on-hold music. PGP.

Riding a fine caffeinated line between falling asleep and having a seizure. PGP.