Had a dentist appointment this morning. Thanks to the laughing gas it was the highlight of my day. PGP.

My boss only communicates with me through idioms, abbreviations, and curse words. PGP.

Someone broke into my car last night and took literally none of my possessions. PGP.

I left the bar at 9:15 on Saturday because I was tired. PGP

I haven’t had a tinder match in weeks. PGP

Do you have any tums? PGP.

Too scared to click on the “Your card statement is ready” email the day after getting back from SXSW.

Called in sick and my boss asked if I could come in for a little while.

Already thinking about how early you’ll go to bed tonight shortly after waking up.