The Trouble With Wearing Condoms

The trouble with condoms

Meeting someone online is no longer taboo. It isn’t something that you keep secret from friends and colleagues anymore. I’d imagine that in the early-2000s, there was a bit of a stigma surrounding online dating. I’m sure more than one married couple you know met online despite the fact that they told you and the rest of their friends that they met organically at a bar. Whatever. Having casual sex or actually dating someone you met online is not a big deal anymore. When sex comes into play, though, whether it’s following the first date or the fourth, I think we could all be a little more careful. For me and many others, practicing safe sex is easier said than done.

Condoms suck. I don’t know if there is a difference for the girl, but comparing non-condom sex to sex with a condom for a male is like saying Jay Cutler is just as good as Tom Brady. It just isn’t true. Condom versus no condom is a no contest, unanimous decision in favor of no condom. The difference is night and day, and if you’re a male who disagrees with me, I’m just going to assume that you’ve never touched a breast before.

It’s not like I’m against wearing condoms, though. I want to wear them when I’m with someone new. I want to remain STD-free and decrease my chance of getting some girl pregnant. It’s just that sometimes wearing a condom doesn’t happen. I play Russian roulette with my health every time I forego the condom in favor of a romp in the sack with no protection. It feels better for me. If you take anything away from this article, understand the difference between fucking with a rubber and without one is not comparable.

In my case, and more importantly, a huge subset of people who I call friends, wearing a condom just isn’t all that important when it comes time to do the deed. Is this incredibly stupid, immature, and mind-boggling to some people? I’m sure it is. I cannot speak for every single twenty-something male in America, but my gut tells me that a majority of single men do not use condoms regularly. You can sit there and tell me that you wear them all the time but I won’t believe you. Everyone, at some point or another in their sexual past, has woken up after a one night stand and said “Ah. Probably should have worn a condom last night. Maybe next time.” But then you’ll forget what you were worried about and that’ll be the end of it.

I think my friends and I lie somewhere in the meaty part of the bell curve on the subject of not wearing condoms. Do I wear them? Yeah, sometimes. But other times a condom isn’t available. I’m drunk and so is she and she says it’s fine. It’s easy to forget to toss a rubber on in the heat of the moment. If she asks, I’ll absolutely put one on or wander over to my roommate’s room and ask if he has one I can use. I’ve just found that a majority of the time the question “Do you have protection?” doesn’t come up. I know that’s dumb. It’s especially dumb when you’re talking about a partner whom you’ve either met on a dating app or approached at the bar four vodka-sodas deep.

I don’t claim to be a smart man, though. And I justify not wearing condoms because, like I said, I’m not the brightest bulb in the room. I’ve been trying to get better about it but like any habit, not wearing condoms is a tough thing to kick completely.

The trouble with condoms is that once you buy them, you’re in a race with father time. And I don’t just mean the expiration date. Condoms, of course, expire, but it takes years for them to go stale.

When I say that father time is a reason for me not wearing them, it has more to do with the psychological effect that buying a box of condoms has on you. First of all, you have the actual act of buying them, which should be a breeze but for me is equivalent to pulling a tooth. It’s nervewracking and I revert back to when I was a 15-year-old virgin. I get embarrassed and nervous that the cashier up front is going to laugh at me or say some condescending remark about my bathing suit parts. I still buy a bunch of other shit I don’t need just so I don’t seem like a guy who is there to only buy condoms. I still walk into a drug store with the sole intention of buying condoms and walk out with candy, toothpaste, and a fucking plunger that I don’t need. And the physical act of buying the condoms isn’t even the worst part.

The worst part is when you get home and deposit those twelve condoms into your bedside table. Now you have a tangible way of seeing how often you’re getting laid. And for most of us, that is a bleak subject. You’ve now got to figure out how you’re going to use twelve condoms. That’s a lot of sex. And if you’re anything like me, having sex twelve times will take at the very least a few months. Even if you’re bringing home on average one girl every weekend it would take twelve weeks to use all of them. And let’s be honest. A couple of those times you’re going to go in bareback. There’s just so much pressure in having a box of condoms next to your bed.

I am in no way advocating for people to not wear condoms. I’m just saying that there are a lot more men out there than you think who aren’t wearing them on a regular basis. I’m trying to get better at wearing them and so should you. It’s in our best interest.

Image via Shutterstock

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Johnny D

fashion icon. @dudaronomy on twitter. e-mail:

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