The Chicago O’Hare Airport Chili’s New Year’s Eve Live Blog

12:41: With a full belly and a heavy heart, I think I have to sign off. Until next time, everyone. I’ll (probably) see you for the National Championship Game on 1/11. Chili’s, I’m out.

12:40: I’m worried about getting lost en route to my gate and it’s a straight shot. Lightweight City, Illinois over here.

12:39: Nothing makes me more happy than this tweet below.

12:38: Gotta finish this beer then it’s a one-way street to the Promise Land known as Northern Michigan.

12:37: Boom, check @defriewf on Snapchat. Also, Got in and out of here for a cool $66.00.

12:35: Commenter “ImAnAlcoholic” really showing his true colors in the comment section right now. Unreal.

12:35: “100% chance the person that owns is Dan.” Row 2 on Grandex website.

12:33: Asking for my check. Asked for the shot with it. #staytuned

12:32: This pee situation is taking over. Everything is coming to a head. I’m scared.

12:32: When I do the shot, I’ll snapchat it. Add @defriewf.

12:31: Her gate just changed. Doing the shot alone now. Gotta tab out and catch my flight soon. #Pressure

12:30: Pro move: wait ’til your girlfriend comes to Chili’s so she can order the shot. That way, she looks like the lush instead of you.

12:30: Text from my sister: “If I venmo you $20 does Sally take a shot too?”

12:29: “You need to take this up with the Grandex brass. The only man creating content on a holiday and he can’t even get his beer and wings paid for? PGP.” Truth is, I can’t be trusted to expense things. Way too irresponsible.

12:27: Coda, if you’re a girl, stop by. If you’re a dude, stop by.

12:27: The person that owns is a Grandex employee, in case anyone was wondering.


12:25: Girlfriend arrived. She’s going to watch the laptop while I pee. #AlwaysBeContenting

12:25: I may video chat @DevryGuy and have him watch my shit for me while I pee.

12:24: #FireStrong

12:23: Where do we think Hemingway was flying to? Is that whole embargo on Cuba thing over? If not, I bet he’s going to Arizona.

12:22: No, no, don’t talk like that, Will. You’ve got this. Be a champion. Set yourself apart.

12:21: Something I didn’t take into consideration: I have to pee. This is a code red. Potentially live blog ending stuff.

12:20: “Write it down on a napkin. Think outside the box.” Writing “1 Fireball Shot” on a napkin screams “I’m an alcoholic.”

12:19: “Please get me some. Southwestern egg rolls or chicken crispers” — Text from my girlfriend.

12:19: “Do you get to expense these live blog excursions?” No, need to.

12:17: Considering the fact that I stepped on a scale in Mexico and audibly gasped, I think we know what my resolution is. “Blogger body” is a real thing. I probably average 1,500 steps a day.

12:15: “Titanium” on the speakers is heaven sent. The exact song I need to get my strength up.

12:15: Second beer going a lot slower than the first. The third will be my Everest, but mountains were made to be climbed so let’s get it out of the way and make some memories.

12:14: Kanye is from Chicago, right? Chances we get him here?

12:13: My biggest hang up with the shot is that I have to verbally ask for it. Like, it puts out a VIBE so be alone at a Chili’s in an airport and order a shot of Fireball at 12:13 in the afternoon.

12:12: He has to be kidding me with that quote.

12:11: “Pitas are like the croissants of chips.” — Wisconsin

12:10: “Can I buy Wisconsin a shot too? He’ll take one with you, I’m certain.” No chance he does it. I just saw him eat a tortilla chip with two hands.

12:09: Wisconsin just took a photo of his pregnant wife here. I tried bombing it but was too late.

12:08: I was secretly hoping for my flight to get cancelled so I could hang out with my buddy Douchebag Pete in Chicago, but not all dreams come true.

12:07: If you’re not flying close to the sun in all aspects of life, you’re not really living. #TeamHeartburn

12:06: “You have to be proactive about that heartburn/indegestion, especially when flying. Rookie mistake, Will.” I like to live life on the edge.

12:05: Halfway through the wings. Surprisingly decent. I’m basing this off Buffalo Wild Wings, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

12:04: Dillon, Ross, and Dave are all playing golf right now and I’m out here live blogging for the sake of content. #TheCreamRises

12:03: As an FYI, I’m currently wearing a Texas Longhorns gameday polo buttoned all the way up. Vibes are being put out.

12:02: I’ll do the shot, but I just need time. The wing-beer combo is doing bad things to a dude that struggles with indigestion and heartburn.

12:01: My bluff just got called again and got the $10 Venmo for a shot. Dammit dammit dammit.

12:00: Chick on the other side of the restaurant has a face tattoo. So many walks of life in here.

11:59: “Wheres the Girlfriend?” Another flight. Everyone knows the kid flies private with no attachments.

11:58: I miss Hemingway.

11:57: We live in sad world where Vince Vaughn is more notable than the President of the greatest nation in the world.

11:56: “Or the POTUS.” He’s too busy canoodling with Seinfeld.

11:55: Wisconsin is telling his pregnant wife every play of last night’s game. Bro, she doesn’t care.

11:54: FUCK. Hemingway is leaving. He also just drank his entire margarita in no time. Of course he’s wearing a leather jacket.

11:53: Just got fully stocked with wings and a fresh brew. Is this heaven? No, it’s airport Chili’s.

11:52: Pregnant couple is debating Crispy Cheddar Bites. He’s also wearing a Wisconsin shirt. Partied in Madison one weekend in my glory days. Best college town ever. No debating it.


11:51: “Oprah.” If we got Oprah here, the game would forever be changed to a point where it could not be unchanged.

11:50: Pregnant woman just sat down next to me. Congrats to her. That’s a huge move in life.

11:49: “Best Chicago personality? Invite Vince Vaughn.” Doubt he has a Twitter but that’s a money call.

11:49: Legitimately feeling buzzed AF after the first Goose Island. I’d slow things down, but that’s not what I’m here to do.

11:48: Hemingway has a Samsung Galaxy. Greatness comes in all shapes and sizes.

11:48: “I’m surprised you’re flying so soon again after being accosted by Paula. Are you concerned at all that you might see her again?” Me? Concerned? Please. If anything, she’s dreading the site of me rolling onto one of her flights.

11:47: We dared McConaughey to come to Hooters in Austin. Who is the best Chicago personality to coax into coming here? Don’t say Patrick Kane. Not looking for any rape charges today.

11:46: It’s diets like this that caused someone to comment “no way this fat shit was in a frat” on the TFM Instagram yesterday. #HatersMakeMeFamous

11:45: Nevermind. He just shouted “‘Nother beer” from across the restaurant. LOAD IT UP, JOHNNY.

11:44: One more sip and we’re onto the wings. John went missing and my menu disappeared. It’s like he wants me to drink my lunch.

11:42: “Mexico last week and skiing this weekend? “Vacation Will” is out in full force for the holidays.” I live a #blessed life. Except for the fact that D-Man, Dorn, and New York Times Best Selling Author WR Bolen won’t stop giving me shit for taking vacation.

11:41: He’s eating his burger one-handed. I’d snap a pic, but if he saw me, we’d lose the magic. Some risks aren’t worth taking.

11:40: Pitbull just came on and Hemingway legit just gave a little shoulder shake and perked up. Can’t make this stuff up.

11:40: “Here’s $10 for a shot Will.” Venmo me at @defriewf and I’ll do one. #PeoplesChamp

11:40: Hemingway Hat just ordered an aggressive margarita. Unbelievable stuff from him out of the gate.

11:39: “Bowl predictions for today, Will?” Oklahoma by 3, Michigan State by a million.

11:38: Refusing to order my food until I’ve finished my beer. Nose to the grindstone.

11:37: Can’t wait to apres-ski my dick off for the next four days.

11:36: I like to torture myself, Old Man Body. Also, very few airports fly to Northern Michigan.

11:35: Just to make things clear: I hate O’Hare. I once went to the bathroom here and the entire place was out of toilet paper. Had to use my itinerary. This place is hell.

11:34: Are people actually working today?

11:33: “The office or parks and rec?” The Office is funnier, but I watched more Parks & Rec. No explanation why. Jean Ralphio is the best character out of either series though.

11:33: Waiter’s name is John. He’s no Savanna from Hooters, but he’ll do.

11:32: I was here after the Kentucky Derby and I met Joakim Noah once. We took a photo with each other on my Blackberry and he was spotted two days later on an island with some topless chick. I felt like I sent him off the right way.

11:32: “Triple Dipper or Bust…Gotta show them you mean business.” Shit, calling my bluff. I’m just not sure I’m man enough.

11:31: There’s a glaring lack of alcoholics at the bar right now. I like my airport bars filled with business casual dudes slamming vodka before noon.

11:30: Okay, officially going with boneless wings. Can’t let this chick show me up.

11:29: I want my girlfriend to show up from her flight and ask, “What the hell happened to you?”

11:28: My flight is at 1:45 and I gotta get out of here by 1. Over/Uner on beers/top shelf margaritas is set at 3.5. It’s a low number, but it’s what I feel comfortable with.

11:27: Little redhead next to me just ordered wings. Gotta think that was a dare from her.

11:27: “Go with the Matilda if they have it, Will.” I love spending $13 on 4-packs of those.

11:26: I’m going an Ask Me Anything in the comment section right now as well, so don’t be coy.

11:25: Houston vs. FSU is on the TV, surrounded by a bunch of people who don’t know they want to have a good time but are about to have an absolute blast. Guy across from me has a Hemingway-style straw hat on. He’s officially my go-to.

11:24: Do I go wings or southwestern egg rolls? Gotta think it’s wings. #NothingTastesAsGoodAsSkinnyFeels2016

11:22: Went with a Goose Island beer. Not sure what type it is, but I may drink 1,000 of them.

11:21: I’ve got a flight in a couple hours. Therefore, I’m not here for a long time, but I’m here for a good time.

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Will deFries (Twitter / Instagram) is a Senior Writer at Grandex and the world's foremost authority on Sunday Scaries (Twitter / Instagram). Email me at

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