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4:01: I am going to go party with the villain from Lord Of The Flies. You only get this opportunity once and I refuse to pass it up. It’s been fun, but be on the lookout for my next column, “I Blacked Out With The Villain From Lord Of The Flies And This Is What Allegedly Happened.”
4:00: This is actually him. He’s not lying.
3:59: This is him.
3:56: Okay. HUGE news here. There’s a hammered dude here who claims to be the villain in the Lord Of The Flies video.
3:55: “Miller lite or Bud Light?” Miller Lite, all day every day.
3:54: “Those 10-year-olds were taking photos of me.” – Savanna.
Still, why were there four 10-year-olds sitting solo at Hooters?
3:51: New column: “I’m The Hooters Waitress That Got Live Blogged.”
3:50: Had to get another pitcher for #Stew. If you run a few miles to a bar, you deserve a frosty mug of Miller Lite.
3:49: “Did there used to be bad blood and now there’s mad love?” – Dave
3:46: We are catching him up on the drama at the Riverside Hooters.
3:44: Stew just showed up. He ran here in a Sunday Scaries “Ride The Wave” shirt.
3:43: We are on his Instagram. And now we are on his 16-year-old girlfriend’s Instagram. We need to leave.
3:41: Savanna just sat back down to clarify some things about her minor roommate.
3:40: “A round of Jameson for this table,” was just said and then QUICKLY shot down by the rest of the table.
3:37: We are brainstorming column ideas:
“I worked at Hooters for two weeks and this is what happened.”
“I’m the sage burner at Hooters.”
“29 Ways To Burn Sage In Hooters.”
3:34: TL;DR of Savanna’s story: she just got evicted and the dude she’s living with is dating a 16-year-old.
3:32: One of Savanna’s friends is “grounded,” which speaks volumes for how old she is.
3:31: The cook burning the sage in the bathroom just said that one person at our table is “too drunk.” I clarified who and I disagree. It wasn’t me.
Sidebar: aggressive move from a cook burning sage in a Hooters bathroom to judge others.
3:29: But seriously: next live blog from Hooters or Chili’s?
3:28: “Favorite vacation spot in Michigan?” Harbor Springs. Best town in America.
3:27: “Will crystal downs or Arcadia bluffs?” Arcadia Bluffs, no question. Course is picturesque.
3:27: We are going to help her find an apartment.
3:26: Legal Counsel Dave is helping Savanna with some things.
3:25: I’m worried we’re overstaying our welcome.
3:23: Seriously, though. What is happening in the Hooters bathroom?
3:17: Going to the bathroom. First time today.
3:16: Currently watching videos of the Hooters manager’s husband’s band on her phone.
3:15: Dave is soliciting people to like his meatloaf Instagram. Which I respect.
3:14: Not sure who is fading more, me or Savanna. She’s just sitting at our table drinking a soda.
3:13: “Who is your favorite Aggie of all time?” – Micah to the Hooters manager
3:12: If you don’t have your fleece zipped up all the way, are you even at Hooters?
3:11: I just got FaceTimed and your boy looks like hell. Huge reality check.
3:07: Do we do Chili’s next week or just stick on the Hooters train?
3:06: We got Savanna 17 new followers on Instagram. #MerryChristmasSavanna
3:05: My computer is at 31% battery, 100% chill.
3:04: “Did Dillon not show or did you not invite him?” He big-timed us. Classic, Dill.
3:03: Dave is Periscoping the entire experience if you need live look-ins.
3:01: Dave just went upper deck zip on his pullover. Weird move. #WeirdDave
2:59: I made it through 7 out of 10 wings. It’s so real out here right now.
2:57: We’re getting in with the manager.
2:56: The over/under on how many people showed up to the office today is at 2 1/2.
2:54: “Mid-90s nostalgia aside, who was better: The 96-97 Red Wings or the 01-02 Red Wings. So pretty much which lineup would you rather have:
Shanahan, Yzerman, Fedorov, Lidstrom, Larinov, Osgood vs. Shanahan, Fedorov, Hull, Lidstrom, Yzerman, Larionov, Chelios, Datsyuk, and Hasek”
’97 would win in Game 7.
2:53: Current mood:
— PostGradProblems (@PostGradProblem) December 18, 2015
2:50: We’ve transitioned to Rolling Stones, gotta think Van Morrison is coming on next too. It’s just the vibe we’re in right now.
2:49: Kid Rock – First Kiss on the stereo.
2:48: Their Winter White Ale is a close second. Might drink a million when I’m there over New Year’s Eve.
2:47: “Will, favorite Michigan craft brew?” Bell’s Two Hearted, best beer in the game. Period.
2:46: I want to eat these wings but I don’t have a fork and it’s killing me. Savanna, where are you rn?
2:43: Kid Rock’s cover of “Feel Like Making Love” just came on and your boy is taking beers down quick.
2:37: “How much would you realistically pay to have Tim Riggins slugging pitchers with you at Hooter’s right now?” Tim, if you’re online, we’re at Hooters on Riverside.
2:36: Best Longhorn of all-time: Ricky or Vince?
2:33: “Dude, who played Ellie Goulding? … Me.” – Dave
2:31: I have to go #2. Do I bring my laptop to the stall or?
2:31: Just tossed on more Kid Rock. Just had to.
2:30: Just got our first #VenmoPitcher courtesy of Big Al.
2:27: “What ridiculous shit are you going to buy this year with your tax refund?” Callaway irons, best in the biz.
2:27: “Best 80’s sports movie, Rocky 4 or Teen Wolf?” Weird Science.
2:26: “I’m not good at a lot of things but I’m good at smoking.” – Savanna
2:23: I could not be more excited about going to the state championship game for Texas high school football tomorrow. FNL come to life.
2:22: Who follows Drake with No Doubt? US.
2:21: Savanna just left for a smoke. I low-key want to go have one with her just so I can start a conversation with, “Yeah, I was smoking a dart with my Hooters waitress once and…”
2:20: Huge news: my buddy Stew is coming. He’ll out-chill everyone.
2:18: We just tossed Drake on the juke because our swagger is endless.
2:17: For those wondering, I’m doing stand-up desk style at the bar which I don’t think anyone was expecting.
2:16: Savanna didn’t go to ACL. So she didn’t see me hella faded on wine watching Moon Taxi.
2:15: “Most underrated Christmas Movie?” Not sure actually. Most overrated though? Elf. Just so meh.
2:14: “Can you just tell us who Steve Holt is, perhaps post a photo?” No. His content is too good to hoe him out like that.
2:14: Daddy is going to the Patagonia store today. May buy the entire place.
2:13: “I haven’t had a soda in 14 years.” – Matt, I need to know more.
2:12: Savanna uses coconut oil to take her makeup off. You learn something new every day.
2:10: I actually hate tots.
2:10: Huge gamechanger: we’re getting tots. Stay tuned. #TOTS2016
2:09: Going mild wings, boneless so I can keep this blog train on the tracks.
2:06: Chillest Award:
— Micah Wiener (@micahwiener) December 18, 2015
2:06: “This is literally the only thing making Friday bearable. Also, can I come!???” Of course, you can. We aren’t turning anyone away.
2:04: Real question to Grandex people: is this the most hungover day in company history?
— Cristina Montemayor (@crismontyy) December 18, 2015
2:03: I feel great though.
— kayla (@kayhaby) December 18, 2015
2:02: She loves my shoes. I think I’m winning the Big Chill Contest.
2:01: We are currently having Savanna rate how chill we are. Her initial reaction is that Dave is the chillest.
2:00: New pitcher is here. It’s Mike Lima again.
1:59: We are currently taking pitcher donations to Venmo: @defriewf.
1:57: “We don’t have all day.” – Dave to Savanna regarding our next pitcher. Plot twist: we do have all day.
1:56: Come to Hooters, V!
— Veronica (@VeronicaRuckh) December 18, 2015
1:55: Turns out you get a gold nametag if you’re a trainer at Hooter. Dreams do come true.
1:52: “I don’t get why ‘Hello’ is so famous.” – Dave “Hot Take” Ruff
1:50: “Does Savannah know you’re mildly famous? Can this get DeVry a date? Guy seems like he could really use some action.”
1. I’m mildly famous?
2. Her name is spelled without an “H”, guys.
3. DeVry slays p.
1:48: “Born Free” about to come in HOT.
1:45: “Who can drink more: Devry or Bacon?” Both are lightweights. Dorn “doesn’t get hungover” which pisses me off.
1:45: We just got control of the TouchTunes.
1:42: We are scrolling her Twitter feed. She subtweets. I respect that because #HatersMakeHerFamous.
1:42: She also has a Rosé Gold iPhone 6 Plus. Again, stunting is a habit.
1:41: Savanna drives a Chevy Sonic. Stunting is a habit.
1:40: “AMA question: Is Todd cheating?” …
1:38: “Favorite drinking song?” Kid Rock’s entire Live Trucker album. Some people think my love for Kid Rock is a schtick and it’s just not.
1:36: “Do the PGP and TFM staff discuss the comments / users? Are there people who are thought of to be a good dude and others who y’all can’t stand?” I’m not sure overall, but PGP does. And yeah. I have a mental list of my haters.
1:35: “Steve Holt. Real or not?” Real. Like not even kidding. He’s real.
1:34: Hit her with that follow: https://www.instagram.com/sadvanna/
1:33: Savanna gets a ton of likes. I’m so jealous of 18 year olds.
1:31: Real life AMA: “Who is your favorite Selena?” Has to be the OG. I don’t want to be friends with anyone who chooses Gomez.
1:30: We are all following Savanna on Instagram rn. She has a private account.
1:28: Full disclosure: this could end at any time. I’ll be live blogging until my computer dies. Currently at 64%.
1:26: Beer #1: Completed. A little let down by the lack of AMA questions in the comments tbh.
1:25: Here’s a sick photo of all of us looking puffy and hungover.
1:25: We added Micah. He did “Mixed Emotions” alone at a karaoke bar last night after the Christmas party.
1:24: “Nothing seems as strange as when the leaves begin to change.”
1:23: “Will my Large Long Sleeve and Tanktop arrive by Christmas” Not sure.
1:22: If I stop live blogging in two minutes, it’s because Kid Rock ended and I went postal.
1:21: I never want this moment to end.
1:21: “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock just came on. I’m in heaven.
1:20: Man, my keys are caked with grease. LOVE it. Also, Nickleback is on, which we deserve.
1:18: She’s been working here for a short period time. Used to work at Victoria’s Secret.
1:17: She just ruled out us getting roadies, so I may skip the tip too.
1:16: The skaters fucking stiffed Savanna on the tip. I’m going to find these creeps and teach them a lesson.
1:15: Update: Savanna is 18. No judgments here.
1:13: I just got really light headed. It would be so hard to explain to my parents that I got ambulanced from a Hooters.
1:11: Pitcher arrived. These mugs are frosty af.
1:10: “why does the live blog currently have 1,000,000 favorites” Because a million people liked it? Duh.
1:08: Fried pickles just got here. Good lord. These things are FIREFLAMES.
1:06: “F**ck Marry Kill: Cory Matthews, Zack Morris, A.C. Slater” Marry Cory, Fuck Zack, Kill AC.
1:04: The skater boys just paid with a crisp hundo. You can’t make this stuff up.
1:03: We are trying to get Savanna to make the skater kids do tricks in the parking lot. I am still so confused as to why they’re here.
1:02: For those wondering, I’m ordering on instinct. I have no favorites or go-tos so you’ll have to stay tuned.
1:01: Apparently the girls here have Hooters track suits? Going to try and lock one down and wear it when I’m in Mexico for Christmas.
1:00: We’ve gained one more person at the table. He looks worse than we do.
12:58: She’s sitting next to me. One sec.
12:57: The waitress just walked by and saw us live blogging this. She laughed and kept walking. Stay tuned.
12:56: “Young Jennifer Aniston or current Jennifer Aniston?” Current, many reasons.
1. She seems like she’s gotten it relatively together and is less crazy.
3. She’s rich now, and money is sexy.
12:54: “How would you react if Dorn walked in and sat down with the skater kids?” He would shove their faces in wing sauce and walk out. These kids are scum.
12:53: First order: fried pickles teaser.
12:52: “Either of you guys got some hookups for me to come down and do some wild pig hunting? It’s only December 18th and I already have cabin fever.” No, man. I wish I did though, so hit me up if you find any hookups.
12:51: “When/what was the moment you realized you weren’t going to go pro in [insert childhood sport]?”
“8th grade, d-back drills, I got smoked.” – Dave
Me, though? Probably when I faked dehydration during a game in order to make a kid think I was weak, when in reality I wanted to surprise him with my energy.
12:50: I’m having my girlfriend pick me up here when I’m done with this live blog. Yes, she’s dating a dude live blogging from Hooters in sweatpants.
12:49: “Would you rather have sex with your mom while she’s in your girlfriend’s body, or have sex with your girlfriend while she’s in your mom’s body?” You people are filth.
12:48: Dream Brunch Crew: Kid Rock, Scott Disick, the entire 1997 Red Wings team, Taylor Swift’s squad.
12:47: Per the AMA questions: “Rate the waitress.” I’m not doing that. This isn’t a cattle auction.
12:44: We’ve got a serious 80s soundtrack situation happening right now. Going to see if they can take requests.
12:42: There are bacon-wrapped wings here? DADDY MIGHT.
12:40: Need to get a pitcher. Need.
12:38: “Fuck, Marry, Kill: Kelly Kapowski, DJ Tanner, Topanga Lawrence?” Marry Kelly because she’s the GOAT and has the least emotional issues, bang DJ so you can get in with the original Scott Disick aka Uncle Jesse, and then kill Topanga because she’s the WORST.
12:37: First AMA question: “Will, are you actually a basic betch IRL?”
Yes, I am. I am considering doing #BasicConfessions on PGP because sometimes I sit in bed and think about how weird my life is.
12:35: “What if we come here until McConaughey actually comes and meets us?” – Dave. It’s a unique strategy but I’m good with it.
12:35 pm: “We’re going to see some boys take state today.” – Dave, as we watch the Texas high school football state championship.
12:34 pm: Waitress name: Savanna. She left her nametag in the car.
12:33 pm: Also need order recommendations.
12:32 pm: We’ll be doing an AMA so ask in the comments.
12:31 pm: If you’re famous and live in Austin, come by for an interview. Looking at you, McConaughey.
12:30 pm: On the juke: “Crocodile Rock” by Elton John.
12:26 pm: Longhorn Network is live from Pluckers. Gotta think that’s our main competition today.
12:24 pm: Dave is wearing his Callaway rope hat courtesy of Callaway / @HashtagChad. He also just Snapchatted it to DJ Khaled so stay tuned for DJK’s response.
12:23 pm: There is a group of skater kids behind us. They’re borderline, like, 13 years old. Which makes me wonder why they’re at Hooters at noon on a Friday.
12:22 pm: We’ve got two tasty waters sitting in front of us. Next up: going to ask the name of our waitress.
12:21 pm: Our waitress couldn’t have been more creeped out by that question.
12:19 pm: “I’m going to ask our waitress for Advil.” – Dave .