======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Do you have an ex that kind of creeps you out? Maybe not at the time, but now, looking back, was kind of a huge fucking weirdo?
We all have exes and they probably fall all over the spectrum. There is that weird, “we used to date but now we are totally cool and really good friends,” relationship. Conversely, there is the “if I see him/her near my apartment I am going to shoot them repeatedly with my parents’ handgun” relationship. I have both of these types of relationships in my group of friends, alone.
Some SOs say extremely strange shit. Here to highlight some of the creepiest stuff ever said in a relationship or ex-relationship is our reliable source on all things weird, Reddit.
From Reddit:
‘You can’t love your cats, you can only love me’.
Pretty tame.
I told my ex-husband I wanted a divorce. He didn’t want a divorce. Shortly after that, a show came on TV about a man who killed his wife because she left him and he didn’t want to lose her. My ex-husband looked at me and said “See what happens when you leave someone and they don’t want you to go? That kind of thing happens all the time”. Creeped me the fuck out.
HERE WE GO.
I drove across the state to push my estranged spouse to file the divorce papers like he agreed to do. He treated it like a date, introduced me to his roommates as his wife, asked my advice on how to start new relationships, refused to let me leave when my ride showed up, and asked if he could still have sex with me. I noped out of there as fast as possible.
Divorces always go smoothly.
We were together for five years. When we broke up it got ugly and besides all the horrible shit that did happen, I was most freaked out by the threat.
“I’m going to talk to everyone you know, and everyone you work with, and tell them everything you ever said to me about them”
After five years of chatter and gossip people get to know you pretty well. It was like someone threatening to read my diary aloud to the whole class, except, y’know, with consequences beyond the realm of a six year old.
Pretty legit threat.
He always told me that if I ever get pregnant and refuse to have an abortion he would push me down the stairs to cause a miscarriage.
Father of the Year.
I had just turned 21. I’d been in an on again, off again, relationship for 5 years. I hooked up with a girl while at a party with work friends. I felt absolutely terrible but knew it was time to break things off clean with my girlfriend.
Her father was a well-respected member of a pretty well-known biker gang in Massachusetts.
After I apologized and broke things off she said, “For the rest of your life, you’re going to have to watch your back. I have eyes everywhere and one day your guard will be done and you’ll never see it coming.”It’s been 9 years now and I still get uneasy when walking in certain places in Massachusetts.
You don’t fuck with Irish Catholic biker gangs.
He said he imagined shoving a corn cob up me in a cold room. Then asked what I thought of it.
That was different.
Gotta keep an open mind!
He “suggested” his dead wife’s clothes might fit me and I should try it. Kept telling me when we go to his place, he saved all her clothes and I should take a look and see. That was our last date.
And, uh, do you mind if I call you Carol, too.
I was making out with one of my exes when she leans in and whispers in my ear,
Round and round the town we go,
drive the trolley nice and slow.
If there’s trouble, give a yell.
[gently tugs my ear lobe] Ring the bell.I miss her. She got me.
A+ Ex GF.
She forgave me for raping her… thing is, I didn’t rape her. We were at a movie, she started to give me a blow job, then she started weeping. I asked to stop, because that shit is creepy. She told me she “couldn’t” so my first blow job was essentially me quietly urging myself to come as quickly as possible. It was awful..
Forgiveness for things that never happened seems to be an ongoing trend in this thread.
Sleeping at this girls house after sleeping together for around six months. I ask her if she has an Iphone charger, she tells me they’re on top of her wardrobe.
As I reach and slide my hand across the top I feel a pile of what felt like jelly packets (english jelly, gelotine for americans). I recoil a little, grab a chair and look to see around 30/40 tied, used condoms in a pile. I freak out and ask her why she has used condoms hidden up there, expecting/ hoping for a response like “I don’t want my mum to find them” instead she looks at me with a deadly serious face and says..
So I can always keep a part of you if you leave me….
I got the fuck out of there after discarding of my collected man juice… Still gives me the creeps when I think about it!
There is just no way.
My ex told me “You should get in car accidents more often”. WTF
That’s a solid zinger.
I had called my ex and asked him to meet me in front of the courthouse so I could give him a copy of our divorce decree and he asked me to marry him again.
I guess it is kind of romantic?
That she knows one day she will have my babies. she didn’t and high school is a big learning experience for relationships
Interesting gamble on her part.
First girlfriend liked to threaten me with lemon juice and razor blades.
Sounds like the hottest threat of all time.
“I do not want to be a mother. I want to do drugs, get fucked up, and get fucked by strange men”
This was right before she signed away her rights and I became a single parent.
This one is more sad than creepy.
I once had that “It’s not over if we don’t both agree it’s over” line when I split up with an ex. When you hear that, you know you’re in for a bad time.
The most pathetic sentence ever spoken.
To read more of this thread, or to read the replies, click HERE..
[via Reddit]
Image via YouTube
Respond
“I love you.”
“I’m a lesbian”
“Fine but I’m keeping the cat”
She didn’t even need to say anything, she owned a cat
Lets see:
In high school there was *blankly staring at the ground* “I see….the lord giveth and the lord taketh away”
Then later, post grad, There was this scene:
I told her to meet me at my apartment after work because we had to talk about a few things. I said that we were done and over. She started in shock then slipped into disbelief which then moved onto her accusing me that I didn’t know what I was doing which slowly morphed into a rage which involved her throwing pictures out of the open door and her calling her mom to tell her I was a terrible human being and using my laptop to book a flight home. Right before she left she whipped her head around and said
“You will never EVER meet ANYone like me EVER again!”
Then she slammed the door and I never saw her again.
After she left I said to myself ….”well yeah thats kind of the point..”
I still regret not saying that to her face.
I do standup and I shat on my ex in a set that I posted online. Her entire family tried suing me for defamation of character. Good times.
It took me a few minutes to realize that you didn’t physically shit on your ex. I was in a state of confusion for a while there.
Could’ve been called “defecation of character.”
…I’ll see myself out.
Link?
The video is long gone but:
-I never used her name
-The one joke she was mad at was “she cheated on me with a pizza man which is weird because she never told me she had cliched fantasies.”
“No, you’re not breaking up with me.” And then she simply walked away.
“I took naked pictures of you when you weren’t looking and I will show them to everyone if you break up with me”. I called his bluff and took that risk. He didn’t have anything.
Holy crap! My ex seriously used that last one on me when I broke up with her! She tried to tell me that since two people have to decide to be in the relationship, two people have to decide to end the relationship. My response was literally, “I don’t think that’s how it works.”
after breaking up with my ex he told me “I’m going to leave…but not right now”. So we awkwardly sat in silence in my room for about 30 minutes.
“I want to have your babies and get married.” This was said when she was a sophomore in college. Gotta love having life priorities figured out.