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Hello from gorgeous Augusta, Georgia. Dillon Cheverere, “Big T-Shirt Matt” Cisneros and I have made this perilous journey at the behest of Natural Light in order to utilize our various journalistic skills and expertises to document the experience of attending the most prestigious golf tournament known to man. We’ll be at #NattyShack on Friday and Saturday, drinking ice cold Natty Light, recording a podcast and hanging out. You can RSVP and attend if you happen to be in Augusta as well. Smylie Kaufman and a bunch of other good people will be there. Other than that, we’ll be attending the tournament all four days and updating this live blog as well as Snapchat to keep you all both educated and informed.
Tuesday, April 4
1:00am EST – We just flew from Austin to Atlanta, then drove a half hour in a pimp ass white minivan to spend the night in Covington, Georgia at a Hampton Inn that is chock full other tournament goers. Just three grown men packed into a tiny room in the middle of nowhere with only two full-size beds to sleep in. L-I-V-I-N. Matt and Dillon are sleeping shirtless together in one bed and at least one of them is snoring as I type this. It is utterly macabre. Weather app says shit is going to hit the fan tomorrow. Pray to God they are wrong or the Par 3 Contest is going to get canned.
Wednesday, April 5
10:00am EST – It turns out the weather man was correct. It is absolutely pissing rain all over the place. Holy hell this weather is a disaster. Sad! Fortunately, as of right now, there is a zero percent chance of rain Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
We hit the Hooters in Augusta before heading to the house we’ve rented to meet the man, the myth, the legend known as John Daly. The dude was incredibly cool. His girlfriend (possibly fiancee, unclear) with massive cans (also a promotional director for Hooters) was running the show as far as merchandise sales and autographs went. We got him to sign a couple of the tees we’ve got coming out on RowdyGentleman.com in the coming weeks. His bodyguard is wearing a shirt that just says “DO ME A FAVOR AND STOP TALKING.” Good shit all around.
Hooters was complete chaos. Because of the rain, cancellation of the Par 3 Contest, lack of restaurant choices in Augusta and presence of John Daly, there was over a 3-hour wait for a table by the time we left. Fortunately, we got there early as hell like true degenerate scum, so we were seated within an hour or so. The table next to us was a foursome of middle-aged British dudes that were popping tents in their pants over the waitresses. They clearly can’t handle American curves. I have spotted multiple grown men taking photos with Hooters girls. A truly pathetic move. Don’t be that guy. We crushed a bunch of wings, loaded tots, fried pickles, curly fries with plenty of ranch, blue cheese and ketchup. Disgustingly glorious.
4:00pm EST – We’re at our house now. It’s pretty nice. Just a quarter-mile from Augusta National. Smells like baby diapers and cats, but I can dig it. The good people of Natty Light are coming over shortly to crush a few before we head to dinner and then a bar called “The Country Club” where apparently Snoop Dogg is performing.
We’re are recording what I can only assume will be a barely comprehendible podcast when we get home tonight that’ll be posted tomorrow morning. So look forward to that. Might check in on the live blog later this evening as well and type some shit. Peace be with you.
2:04am EST – Snoop Dogg was ridiculous. Check out the @totalfratmove Snapchat story for some footage. The dude was basically being “DJ Snoop Dogg” rather than all out performing, but it was still awesome because Snoop-a-loop. Dude opened with The Next Episode of course. We had VIP bottle service thanks to Natty Light, which is always nice. Also, did end up recording a late night podcast just now and it should be up tomorrow. Just a nice little 25 minute “Back Door Cover” episode to kick start the Augusta festivities. More to come tomorrow after we get off the course..
Respond
Ross Bolen
Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.
@WRBolen
@WRBolen
WRBolen
I didn’t realize Dillon had so much grey in his hair?
Because of this comment he will get his hair dyed on Monday
Life comes at you fast
He’s full blown salt and pepper
They let cigar store indians into Augusta?
Wow you went to a Hooters and didn’t live blog it? Huge fail
Their goddamn WiFi didn’t work, okay man? It wasn’t my fault. I’m just as upset as you are.
A tradition unlike any other
I’m so jealous of you guys, tbh.
John Daly, one tough cookie may I add, is so drunk that he doesn’t remember signing a license deal with rowdy gentleman. I personally think it is a power move. Others may argue. They are wrong
Subpar effort
What are some of the “scenarios” PGPers can think of as to what really happened to DJ on the stairs…
Paulina
And also with you.
“Lack of restaurant choices,” “Baby diapers and cats.” Just moved from Augusta, and this is spot on for the other 51 weeks of the year. Can’t say I miss it. Many locals will make their nut renting their house out for Masters week to cover the mortgage for the rest of the year. I believe the town has the same philosophy. That said, Augusta National is truly the tits.
What about Thursday?