I’m not talking about penises. Get your head out of the gutter.
I’ve noticed a disturbing trend around the internet recently. People are under the impression that a 2 carat minimum diamond ring is a requirement of a proposal. That anything less means your future husband doesn’t love you enough to splurge on the only important piece of jewelry you’ll own. While this may be a “lol jokes” scenario, bitches be crazy and I feel a responsibility to give the boys a break.
Ladies, if you are only setting size requirements, all it shows is either you know NOTHING about diamonds, or you have a quantity not quality outlook on life.
Clearly we need to go back to basics here. Diamonds have 4 characteristics that add to the value of the stone. The 4 C’s: Carat, Clarity, Color and Cut. You can sacrifice any of those three extra characteristics if you really want a large stone, but I personally think that’s foolish.
Now, before you cry “poor,” hear me out. When I got engaged, my specifications were on the level of sparkle. I wanted the ability to burn out people’s retinas on a sunny day. People should need shades to look directly at my bling. Now while size plays a part here, the most important aspects for sparkliness are clarity and cut. I needed perfect cut and near perfect clarity, so that every single beam of light that hits my stone is refracted for Grade A sparkle. I also wanted colorless. Sue me. This sort of perfection costs money, and when it came down to choosing, I sacrificed size.
Does this mean my husband doesn’t really love me? Of course not. The poor bastard just forked out 3 months salary to make me happy (he says, “Fuck you, DeBeers”). As a bit of research, I looked up the prices of a Tiffany’s 2 carat solitaire ring. Mind you, Tiffany’s diamonds are nice. They’re not the best, but they are nice. That bad boy starts at $38,000 plus taxes and goes up, as your stone gets better in quality.
Now if your future fiancé can afford that, then go right ahead. Demand that 2 carat diamond. It will be amazing. If you want a low quality stone because telling people you have a 2 carat diamond is important to you, that is also your choice. Just don’t spout off about how size should be the most important thing for everyone.
I’ve been told by numerous parties that, in addition to the “salary rule” if you spend less on the diamond than your car, you don’t love her. I now drive a beater, just in case.
If I’m getting her anything with diamonds I love her. The numerous parties can deep throat a shotgun barrel.
Even saw blades?
Especially saw blades.
Saw the title and thought it was going to be an open discussion on peener size.
“You can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes, you just might find… you get whatcha need.”
Not that this has a lot to do with your comment, I mostly just dig the Stones, man.
If you had left out the first 2 sentences this column would be an entertaining metaphor.
Helpful Hint: When buying an expensive piece of jewelry, have it shipped out of state by the jeweler to avoid state sales tax.
So there are size queens in the penis and diamond sectors… Interesting
Not mutually exclusive.
So if I’m expected to shell out 3 month’s salary “and then some” now for a ring, what will my fiance be buying me?
It’s not about size. It’s about what you can do with it.
You still sounded catty by saying the price is all that matters in the end. If you’re a mature girl dating a mature fellow, it won’t matter what he proposes with. A mature fellow will spend that 3 months salary, anyway, because the girl means the world to him. On another note there are many types of precious stones. I don’t have to support genocide in Africa by paying for a Diamond Ring. Sue me if you don’t like it.
Moral of the story, don’t let other people tell you what you should want in an engagement ring. That is all.
Also, you know there are diamonds that aren’t mined in Africa right? However if you want a ring that’s 100% conflict free, it’ll want to be wood or string….
For some reason, this issue is one of my only soapboxes. You seem intelligent and made good points in your article. I just say take it deeper. Your Husband is right when he says fuck De Beers. It’s a fact, not a conspiracy, that they convinced us to buy these worthless shiny stones. Now western culture men HAVE to buy that diamond ring. The only realistic way I see to bring the industry from evil back to being amoral capitalist is for competitors to hack at De Beers until they own less than a third of the world’s diamonds. Then the people with Diamonds are not responsible for genocide and the price would fall to where you can have perfect color, caret etc.
Thank you internet stranger for confirmation of my intelligence
I agree, diamonds may be worthless in the scheme of things. However, good quality stones are ridiculously beautiful! It’s worth it
Hippy
Wrong, turdface. Guess again.
Liberal hippy? Poor? An African child? Am I close?
Homosexual mix-raced communist pirate to be exact. What can I say, “arrr I like the booty.” You were close so thanks for playing. Don’t forget to wipe the shit off your face though before you leave.
That escalated quickly.
Well I’m not going to let Paper push me around like that.
To answer, having empathy does not make me a liberal. Liberals believe in irrational short term fixes while compassionate conservatives like me believe in the rational long term. Exploitation takes place all over the and yet we but those products. I would like to help those workers, but they have an oppressive government and they would statve without the job. Diamonds started as a good idea (collateral for your fiancé’s virginity) but artificially raising the price to way more than its value and virtual slavery in Africa is the reason I don’t support. I’m not trying to troll this post, but unless the author was using subtle sarcasm, then she failed to make a point. I guess I’ll have to sue her.
Who really cares how the diamonds get to the US dealers? Isn’t that what makes us Americans so superior?
Or we can all go after conflict free space diamonds
http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/09/tech/innovation/diamonds-saturn-jupiter/index.html