Chris Hansen Launches Kickstarter To Fund Awesomely Titled “Hansen vs. Predator”

Chris Hansen Launches Kickstarter To Fund Awesomely Titled "Hansen vs. Predator"

“Have a seat.”

Yep, that is TV’s Chris Hansen, and he’s about to tell the entire world that your life is so sad that you attempted to pick up underage girls online using the alias meatrocket8 (real user). The downside is that you’re now going to be labeled a sex offender, but on the bright side, you’ll probably have a chance to use your “I’ll use this noodle so that you can use my other noodle” pick-up line again — at the state penitentiary. Yes, you can leave this fake house. Chris can’t keep you here, but he also doesn’t have to warn you about the 10 cops outside.

Unfortunately, this sequence of events stopped being televised in 2008.

But lucky for us, Chris is offering a chance to hear him utter the famous catchphrase again as everyone’s favorite predator-catcher just launched a Kickstarter to bring back a spin-off of the hit NBC Dateline segment titled none other than Hansen vs. Predator. What. A. Name.

Chris estimates the cost of an entire investigation to be about $500,000, but has set a base goal of $75,000 to get it started. The plan is to eventually sell the online series to a TV outlet.

Per the LA Times:

“There is a pent-up demand from viewers for another investigation,” Hansen said in a recent interview from his Connecticut home. “And from a technology standpoint, the landscape has really changed since we did the last one.”

Both points are valid. Originally, the show was conducted from Yahoo and AOL chats. This time around, social media like Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, CraigsList, Backpage, etc. are all fair game.

Now, like any Kickstarter, you have wonder what the rewards are for me helping him out. Unfortunately, they aren’t too great unless you shell out the big bucks. But let’s take a look at a few:

The not so good:

$20 = “Have a seat” mug. Useful, but do I really want to wake up and have my first thoughts be about a show involving a pervert trying to grope a child?

$50 = Hanson vs. Predator Shirt. Again, sounds like a fun shirt, but it’s not something I’d even be comfortable wearing to the gym, happy hour, anywhere in public, etc.

The good:

$150 = Chris will record your outgoing voice message. Alright, now we’re talking. Endless possibilities here.

“Hi, this is Chris Hansen. Sorry Todd missed your call, we are currently letting toofast4yall2003 know that no one is faster than TV’s Chris Hansen”

$250 – Chris will record a 30 second video message. Ever wanted to give your parents or girlfriend a heart attack? Just send them a video from Chris Hansen saying he needs help finding you to have a chat about recent online activities.

$2,000 = This is the highest donation, and for it you get to go to the SOHO wrap party and have a Q&A with Chris. Not bad. First, I’d obviously ask him to take a seat. My follow up question? Easy. “What made you decide that you wanted to catch child predators in the act on national television? Has it always been a fantasy of yours?” Other potential questions:

∙How often do you use the line ‘take a seat’ to get laid?
∙Do you also laugh when watching these videos or am I just a bad person?
∙Does every predator you catch make you live longer?

I’m not saying I’ll donate, but I support this.

[via LA Times]

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