It’s Not Drinking Alone If You Have A Dog

It's Not Drinking Alone If You Have A Dog

Sometimes in life you just have to lie to yourself. It is out of protection so you don’t lose your shit and go crazy on everyone around you.

There are just those days… You know the kind… that keep piling up no matter what you do. Paperwork, emails, phones calls you don’t want to return because it is all too much. Those days are the kind of days you sit and think to yourself, “God, is it 5 o’clock already?” Those are the days that you decide drinking alone is not such a bad idea.

Large bottle of wine had already been purchased, as had the pint of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to complete the day. Perfection you think, until you realize it is Friday night and you are starting to receive texts like “come out,” “miss you,” “I haven’t seen you in ages!!!!” and all you want to do is sit and brood. Shortly after throwing your phone across the room because you got the predictable “Netflix and chill” text from an ex-fling, your dog wanders over to see what’s up.

Luckily, you keep doggie brews on stock, and go ahead and pour him one. As he laps it up as quickly as you poor you think to yourself, “Holy hell, I have to catch up.” And so the chugging contest begins. Onto glass number two. Doesn’t matter that the two glasses equals half the bottle, there is no one here to judge… except him. “Pour him another?” you think to yourself so you don’t feel as guilty about being on your second glass. Again, it is gone almost as soon as it hits the bowl. Glass number three. This is about the time that you start looking at all your friends Facebook’s and Instagram’s and think to yourself “I have no friends who want to go out with me.” Shortly after you realize your phone is halfway across the room with multiple missed texts… oops.

“Seriously, did I just like his Instagram from 36 weeks ago?” Dammit. Glass number 4, bottle gone. You don’t remember why the day had sucked, or all the stress because your dog is half lying on top of you, forcing you to stay where you are. Fine by you because you have a chick flick, that will never be your life, to watch and a pint of ice cream to finish. Who likes people anyway?

Wake up call… your dog starts peeing on you because you were too drunk to remember to let him out. Awesome.

Image via Shutterstock

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